a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

My holidays are near its end, it seems. Unlike the rest of you who have a month's worth of holiday, I only have a week. Well, to be precise, 4 more days.

*sigh*

I feel like I'm wasting time by just going to Melaka for only a month and coming back, only to continue in Taylor's. Mother told me to go there with an open mind, which, I think is quite fair. Father fears that I might change my mind and ruin his plans. Mother thinks Father's plan to send me to Adelaide and my sister to a boarding school is just like taking us both away from her.

Ah well, whatever. I'm closing both ears on 'em and just do what I think is right. For my sake and my sister's.

I'm going. For a month. And with an open mind.

...doesn't quite suit there, but heck. That one month may be the time for me to really think.

This will be the last post for the week...at least until I find my internet connection there. Until then, farewell.

Till next we meet, my friends.

Aah, how I wish I could turn back time and just go through that experience again.

Well, maybe our "Mean Girls" project was not THE best project to experience once more, but well, if possible, I'd very much like to go back to the past and see myself experiencing it. The me in that past will be the one acting it out while the present me will be watching it like watching a movie. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

God, and the things we all did. It was stupid, but hilarious as well. XD

And the amount of camwhore was...unbelievable. Well, yea, for someone like me. Most of them were taken in the car (Jason drove the car, btw. XD).

I found this rather sexy. Both Julia and Debbie with the moving background behind 'em. It was so pwetty~



Car was moving, but we're all still itchin' to take pictures in it~! XD

And templates were fun to play around with~! XD

Aaw, Rae~~

LOL, Debs~


Jason's eye~ XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

And here are pictures from my dad's workshop. We shot the scene where Damian, Janis, and Cady were discussing on how to "destroy" the so called "Plastics". But after that, my Dad took the car and went off to god-knows-where~ So we were left to wait until he comes back with the car. And so, for entertainment, we forced the camera to love us~!

LOL, they were all messy and not clear. But heck, it was fun~ XD We were abusing the "Burst" function of the camera. Oh well, but the best picture of that project was won by none other than...

MR. GEOFFREY YEOW ZEFENG, OUR VOLUNTARY MAN WHOSE ROLE WAS "RANDOM PERSON", WEARING CHEL'S POOR HOODIE!

*applauds*

LOL. Poor guy, really.

Our movie was...okay, I suppose. I remember the time when we were all planning to stay up to do the whole editing and storyboard work thingie, and one by one, we fell to the floor like dead flies. It began with Julia (who had the comfort of the couch outside the room), and then Rae (who asked for a 5 minute break, which later turned out to be 10 minutes), and then Chel (who...apparently fell asleep without warning), and then Debbie (who requested for a "short" break, if I wasn't wrong).

Last but not least, me. I got sick of editing the videos and I was bloody tired too. I looked around and saw that no one was arsed enough to get up, so I decided to go to sleep too.

And I slept. XD

Oh well, those were the days. It was really exciting and fun~! XD Perhaps as fun as today's carnival at Sri Hartamas, I suppose. I was too lazy to take pictures and I'm too lazy to chronicle my journey of tireness here in this entry, but I DO have some pictures.

And a short documentary on Player Red&White Stripes; Geoffrey Yeow Zefeng~!



And an unexpected event occured in the next one...

Hee~! Ball-KICKKUUU~~~~!!!!!

Well, that's it for today, my friends.

Shimmering moonlight, nightly daze,
Ethereal beings in a dance of dismay;
Movements in faze, gliding with laze,
 Death comes close by, at the light of the day.

So softly,
So sweetly...

While doing my report, I was browsing through some of these online blogshops that sells clothes. Well, let's just say I found one that I really like, but it was sold out. However, this one attracted me as well...

Lovely black dress for only RM 27. Available here at Pretty Little Petals. But meh, I ordered it already~ XD But check it out, there are other neat stuff here too and also in other online blogshops. You can get there from the cbox they hosted for advertisements. Be careful of the ones from S'pore though. Not that they're selling bad products, but you tend to get a wee bit lazy when it comes to converting your money to S'porean Dollars, eh?

But yea, I'll be rendezvousing the girl at Pyramid next Tuesday to buy me dress~ =3

Ooh~ such nice clothes, really! LOL, and I can't believe I'm getting into this whole...shopping experience thing. Heck, I suppose this is the age where you start to worry about your image, especially when you have a boyfriend. You're always trying to impress him with your looks and dressings, whether you realize it or not. I know I do. XD

PR report is due on Monday, but...I think I'll start later tonight or tomorrow, after fetching me parents from the airport. Gah, busy busy.

Well, I know I have my eyes on this one here once I get my next cash supply from me parents:


Found it here.

Or maybe this one?

Don't mind the gray spot there. My internet has been throwing its tantrums to me lately, so yes, that explains why everything is so goddamn slow. Oh well~ That dress was found here.

Hee~ So many choices, so little money in me pockets. =(

I see myself typing this down. My fingers moved as my mind dictates. Fingers, obedient fingers, they moved in respond, tapping on the keys of my laptop that represent the letters of the alphabet. Q, W, E, R, T, Y, ...the list goes on.

Yet, as my mind continues to dictate, I as the soul, the host of this vessel, ask myself this question:

WHY THE HELL AM I NOT DOING MY REPORT?

Truly, my boredom increases, and my input-output systems has gone down the drain. The bed is just next to me, with the soft mattress, the oh-so-comfortable blanket, the pillow...heck, I'm even holding on to my panther plushie, Bagheera, with me. At times, I would stop to stroke Bagheera and cuddle it, as though it was a real being. And at times, I do imagine that he is real (just not real enough to pounce me like the giant cat he is~ =S).

Goodness gracious, I feel like a child holding this cotton-stuffed panther in my arms. Yet, strangely, it felt real, comforting, and there is that small hint of love in it. Though dead, it was soft and lovable.

Well, let's get back to the main topic.

As you can see now, I am not doing my report. Of course, I have finished most of it and all that is left is my "problem" section, "discussion", and my "conclusion". Unfortunately, the same problem appeared once more; I am unmotivated.

Although I've had my share of dinner (ate a Whopper Jr. from BK), I could feel my stomach craving for more food. Ignore it, I tell myself, it's just being whiny. Then I lifted my glass and was about to drink from it, when I realise that there was no more water in it. Ah, empty now, eh? I was too lazy to walk out to refill my drink. If I did go though, that will be my 4th time going back to the kitchen to refill my supply of water.

Indeed, my mind is wandering here and there, like those minuscule little round objects you call "matter". The Brown Movement, was it? Sorry, I learned it in the native language, and they called it 'Gerakan Brown'. I was translating it word by word.

But yes, looking at how odd and random my post for today was, I could tell that I am not thinking straight now. In my mind, I see a city and a ramen stall near a drainage hole that leads to an abandoned city. Someone is there, enjoying his meal with another girl. Probably the girl he's dating now. Something else appeared from the drainage hole, something not quite human. It looked human, but an accident turned the poor thing into the next Quasimodo with a more deformed look. Its speech was unintelligible, yet it spoke and expected the others to understand.

I turn away and I see a sickly detective investigating a case that led to the abandoned city. He left the crime scene quickly after gathering his informations and walked into the local prostitute brothel, where he hired two ladies to accompany him for the night. It was in his nature to sleep with as many women as he could. He was addicted to this sport, but his heart remains to only one, his lady wife. But the wife did not see this, sadly, and his love was thrown away. He couldn't help it; hiring whores for him was like smoking cigarettes. He never smoke though, thanks to his medical condition. Funny, he was born with a female name.

That sight was a typical sight for me. I turned away once more and I see a familiar face who had finished counting his stocks on flour and ingredients necessary for his bakery shop. It was an odd hobby for him; he used to be a serial killer once, claiming 23 victims at the point of his blade. This person was only 10 years old when that happened. Perhaps baking took his mind off the killing? Who knows.

But it soon ended with the sight of a man flying across the skies. He had a pair of wings on his back and carried a silver staff with him. Long hair, long beautiful hair...mane of gold. I seem to be able to recall his name, the name I gave him.

Saaya.

Then I remembered.

And I returned to where I first begun; in front of my laptop, facing my 3/4 completed report. Should I finish it now?

Of course I should! It's just a little bit more to go.

But then again, I could finish the rest tomorrow and then bother my rushed assignment on Friday.

...

My heart, body, and mind leaned more to tomorrow than today.

Right, it is settled then! I shall sleep tonight and visit those people. Report will be done tomorrow. And so will everything else regarding that silly subject.

So long to random thoughts. You have never failed to confuse me. Ever.

Comrades!

'Tis been eons since we last met for a little tale by the campfire, eh? Ah, but I must admit, some tales remain as tales while most became what it is today. Reality. However, 'tis time for me to correct the errs and bring justice upon these wronged facts! The truth and lies will be brought to trial before the judge of the world!

Aye, I digress, yet as a storyteller, a chronicler, 'tis my obligation to tell you a story. A proper one, no? Ah yes, let us continue from where we left off, eh?

Hmm, the last we stopped was at the part where my journey begins anew in another place, away from my loved ones and companions. A journey that will take me into another city, where skyscrapers remain as mere dreams, and the nightlife filled with orchestras of crickets; yes, such is the life of this new city.

Yet, my journey here was thwarted with the qualms of my heart and the tension in the house. My decision was swift and just, but my heart tore at the choice I made.

What about you? What about me? What about what I want? What about what I truly feel?

"What about what I want?" was the very first question I asked my Mother when she raised this issue on me signing up for UiTM. And her only reply was "Don't disappoint me,".

My recent visit to my grandfather's changed my mind once more, and all of my aunts and uncles reminded me that when it comes to education, the parents would do their utmost for their children. I learned how my grandparents had to sacrifices some of their gold and the struggle they went through to just pay for my father's and aunt's schools.

"I don't want my Father to struggle too much, I mean, well, it's a lot to pay compared to going to UiTM," I said to all of them.

"So you're going there for the sake of money?"

"No, I..." I had to come clean with this. I'm not one to lie with my tongue, "Yes,"

My father spoke up, "Alissa, if I don't have the money, I wouldn't have sent you there in the first place, would I?"

I thought again; this was true. He had no hesitance. In fact, he was encouraging me to go, to continue in Taylor's.

"Alissa, you're already in a University, doing your DEGREE. And you'd rather step down to spend more years doing Diploma?" he asked me again.

I was silent. Once more, he was true. Although my Foundation was only a year, it was basically everything combined into one. Though not as deep as Diploma, it was enough for me to enter Degree.

"But Mama has already paid for the fees. I'll be wasting her money," I retorted, defending my Mother (this happens in both houses. I defend my Father when my Mother disses about him, and I defend my Mother when my Father talks about her).

My uncle spoke up, "Well, if you go to UiTM, you'd be wasting money too. A lot of money, all those thousands of ringgits your Father spent on all those three semesters of Foundation. Tell me, which one's the wasted one?"

Another point proven.

My position was shaky, for I was the only one defending my Mother against all of them here. No, I do not detest them for their points, merely because, deep in me, I do want to stay. I want to remain in Taylor's, with my friends, with the lecturers I know, and with beloved. Heck, I have an event to run with my colleagues! And I'm the secretary! I can't just abandon my post!

I want to stay. I want to stay. I want to stay.

Of course, the news was not pleasant to my Mother's ears, and she blames my Father for brainwashing me. Well, no surprise there. My Father was the one who blamed my Mother for brainwashing me when I chose to go to UiTM. They're constantly at each other's throat. *Sigh* Thank god they're divorced, really.

So, in the midst of all the chaos, I took shelter at my Father's while I try to explain to her. I know, it was my fault for suddenly coming up with this, but truly, you must understand. I do not want this from the beginning. You could say I was forced, but...in a way, I believe sympathy and guilt played a part in my choice as well.

In the end, my Mother made a deal with me.

I will be going to UiTM this 28th of June. But just for a month. Once nearing the end of July, I will decide to either stay there or go back to Taylor's.

I knew what I wanted already.

Then again, I can't be too sure about it. My mind, mood, and heart changes. But to be away from my beloved, my PS2, my books, my bookstores, my sister who needs me the most, my city...'tis painful.

I told that to Mother.

"You'll be doing the same thing anyway when your Father sends you to Adelaide, that is, IF he does sends you there. You're still leaving your siblings here. What difference does it make?" she replied.

GAH.

Why can't I...make my decisions peacefully? Am I not old enough to make them?

Truly, I am tired. But that's not all, I have other assignments to worry about, my job as a secretary, and my other responsibilities as well.

Let's just move away from that topic, I'm too sored to talk about it anymore.

I managed to finish my minutes this early early morn! =D And by that, I meant 1:20am. Strangely, I felt wide awake and I felt my creative juices filling my thoughts. And so in my email with the minutes attached in it, I wrote this as the opening act/scene to my proper message in my email:

Hee-hoo to my fellow friends, '
Tis I, comrade Hermes in disguise,
Delivering thee some news, some sense,
Lest we all wander, in a great many lies.

To work, my friends!
To arms, comrades!
Many trials await,
Many battles we fight!

Until the Reckoning comes,
Where all is decided.

Shaddup. I know the 2nd and 3rd stanzas did not rhyme like the 1st. I was already lazy after that.

LOL. After the proper message, I sent it to the ones who should be receiving the minutes of the meeting.

Oh well. I'm looking forward to any new surprises my mind could offer me. Truly, the mind is a very mysterious being.