i'm with you all the way

Wilkommen

Aufsteigende Flügel is German for "Soaring Wings", a beautiful piano piece composed by Masashi Hamauzu. It is a retreat, a place for me to speak my mind, my thoughts, and my ideas. I bid you all welcome and please, enjoy your stay while you can.

In case you're wondering, the song you hear playing in the background is called Memories, composed and performed by Kow Otani for the best PS2 game of all time, Shadow of the Colossus. This was one of the many unused tracks from the game, so I thought I might do it justice playing this lovely track here. It may take a while to load, but please pause it and give it a good listen. Otani makes good music (unfortunately, this is the only one I know of), and this is one of them. Enjoy!



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Vielen Dank

Layout: vehemency
Icon: TCS, Sunlitdays, Bella.Sol
Thursday, April 24, 2008, 13:14
Play the Dirges, Sing the Threnodies

If I could do something, I really wish I could. If I could change something, I would really try my best to do so even though I don't seem like the type who would actually fulfill such a thing. Then again, it all comes down to "if". The word "If" itself is...like a sign of false hope when it comes to matters like these. They either bring you to tears for the things you could have, should have, and would have done...or just...I don't know. Whatever it is, it hurts. A lot.
It is said that only in death will your life be eternal. By that, they meant that you'll only be truly remembered when you die.
But I won't touch on that, no, because I believe this man deserves far more than that.

Rustam Abdullah Sani, or better known as "Pak Long" among my sisters and cousins, is my late uncle who passed away yesterday. Of course, the newspaper articles can briefly explain on who he was and all. But here, I shall enlighten you about him in many ways, perhaps in ways you never expected him to be (well, I can't really cover much since I don't have much time to do this properly, so I'll just do what I can).


First and foremost, he was, is, and is still a great man. He is an academician, a newspaper columnist, a poet, besides being involved in a lot of political, social, and literary activities (taken from his blog profile, Profil Rustam). Pak Long completed his education in areas relating to Sociological Theory, Political Theory, Malay Nationalism, and many others.


He has written plenty of books and won many awards and achievements for his work. Pak Long's works were mainly on the political and economic history of Malaysia and how it slowly developed till this day. Aside from that, he also delved deep into the issues of the Malays here in Malaysia and notes the diminishing nationalism within its citizen. Pak Long also has his literary works and one of the famous work was his anthology of poems, Riak-Riak Kecil, composed in the year 1977, and won the National Literature Award for 1988/1989.


And to top it all up, he was also in charge on translating the Doraemon mangas and cartoon. Heck, even Mr. Fujiko (creator of Doraemon) came down to visit him. I can't quite remember whether he did the translation for the comic or the cartoon, but I do know he was involved with something of the sort. Forgive me for my lack of knowledge in this.


But that's the Pak Long I don't know. The Pak Long that I knew was a responsible father and a loving husband to my aunt, Mak Long (Rohani). He has two children from his marriage (who were automatically my cousin by blood =P), Azrani (his son, known as Abang Azie on our end) and Ariani (his daughter, but we know her as Kak Rini~). Not too long ago, Abang Azie was married to Kak Salha (I...forgot if we had any cutesy-wutesy nickname for her but this was the one I remember) and they both had an adorable little girl named Arissa (she's two years old, I believe. Or was it three? ^_^; I've lost my count~ too many siblings on my end here, lol~). Yes, believe me, I always get confused whenever they call out her name because they both sound the same.


Arissa~ Alissa~ Just kick the L away and replace it with an R. Hehe~ It's a pretty name for my niece, nonetheless.


So yes! Pak Long was officially a grandpa, and a happy grandpa he was.
Yet, despite it all, I never truly got to know my uncle that well. In fact, I don't believe we've actually talked properly (except for that one time when everyone else was discussing on the house inheritence, or something. I was talking to him about the things I learned in Malaysia Media History). I knew all these things about him from my Mother, who kept encouraging me to talk to him because we're both pretty much in the same field and perhaps, we even see eye-to-eye. Unfortunately, that has not been proven right, yet, or rather, it was a bit too late for me to do so.


Since I rarely talk to him, I simply try to observe him during my free time (if my sister was not bugging me to entertain her =P). From what I notice, Pak Long turned out to be a really nice uncle. Honestly, I was a wee bit scared of him since he looked as...scary-looking as my Father. But he was really nice and jovial. Heck, I like his jokes too~ But...well, like I said, I didn't stick around long enough to hear more. Aside from that, he seemed very...wise and has that silent strength about him. I often imagined him as a tactician of some sort and took some of that characteristic to be applied in the characters in my story. Hehe, they turn out to be pretty cool and interesting enough for me to develop later in the story.


But yes, that is the most I could say about him. I truly wish I knew him better, then perhaps we could go into a professional discussion and exchange ideas. But maybe, it's not just that. Maybe I'd like to know him as a person on his own. I'm sure someone like him has many stories to tell.
*sigh*


At any rate, he will be remembered. Not just as a very active political activist or a famous writer, but also as a loving father, grandfather, and uncle to us all. And he will be remembered as the man who once lived in this world, a human who once did what he think was right, and as an individual who strived to change the fate of this country.


Here's to you, Rustam A. Sani.


Here's to you, Pak Long.


And once more to you, the man who I never truly got to know.


You will be remembered and cherished.


From the niece who never really had the chance to talk to you properly,
Alissa


PS: Pak Long was suppose to have a book launch this Saturday (26th of April, 2008) at Shah Alam's Public Library. But due to this unfortunate event, the book launch will be as a tribute to his passing. If anyone's interested in going, do please give me a call (012-6609142) and I'll tell you the time and how to get there.

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 17:03
For the past few days...

-looping "Test" by Little Dragon-

Yes, forgive me for my typo, TASH. And forgive me for not posting for so long. PR has taken most of my time.

Well, to be precise, Bedlam was the cause of it. XD I created a new character in there so yes. Most of my time was used to develop that character's personality and background history, but I'm still a wee bit confused about this character. His name is Seere, by the way. A demon of the Ars Goetia and an androgynous being as well, but mostly referred to as a "he". And yes, I'm still thinking hard on his personality.

In my mind, I had a strange image of him being a very cool-looking person. Book-ish, calm, and collected. But these traits were similar to another character of mine there (Razakel). So yes, scratch all that. And now the thought of a power-hungry demon who would go out of his way to achieve power and supremacy above the rest comes into mind.

But a cooler looking one, of course. Not like those bombastic/flamboyant way of gathering power etc etc. In my mind, I was thinking of Lelouch (Code Geass) or some devious character like my I.F. (Fukami/Rachtna).

Oh well, so much for that. I still need to plan more about Seere and probably develop Razakel's story. (Psst, Razakel is not his real name, it was just a title for those who serve under King Asmodeus. In fact, he's someone else altogether...someone...higher than the other demons in Ars Goetia. Hehehehe...)

Anyway, yes, updates in life.

First news: I got my PTPTN loan! All that is left is to just...sign a few documents here and there, fix those necessary parts and voila! I will be able to withdraw the money to pay my fees for the next semester (and if there's extra, I MIGHT want to use to travel to Brisbane. =3), and pay back the 9k I borrowed from my stepmom for the SSPN account.

Second news: ...yes, nothing much goes around my life. But I suppose the things in my mind right now are both the PTPTN loan and the UiTM interview I went the other day.

Apparently, I need not dance, sing, or act. They just asked me about some of the local movies I watched (I answered Baik Punya Cilok, Pontianak, and Buli. Apparently, the director of the movie 'Mami Jarum' was there and he looked a wee bit pissy when I didn't mention his movie. =S). Strangely though, I found out that I was the only candidate whom they questioned on international movies. So yes, they asked for three, I gave 'em three;

  • No Country For Old Men
  • The Usual Suspects
  • Once
I find it a wee bit hard to explain about The Usual Suspects because...well, truth be told, I don't know how to properly explain the story without spoiling it. Even the interviewers were...well, looked a wee bit confused. Then we started talking about Narnia and he asked me what I thought on the storytelling. First thing that came to mind was the birds that threw rocks on the enemies. From my point of view, I see Narnia as a re-telling of the bible in a different way.

Oh well. Other than that, everything went well. They seem to like me, I guess, though maybe a wee bit...cold. Honestly, they look scary, especially the lady there. But well, they told me that they were afraid that I might choose Communication over this course if they actually offered this course. So...hmm...my chances on getting this course? I'm not entirely sure myself, but my Mother has high hopes on this.

Hehe, and I might seriously consider this course too. It's affordable and...well, I like writing without restrictions. Art is about freedom, and it is within the art of words that I find myself flying freely in the sky.

I gave 'em two of my stories. One of them thought it was a bit too American. O.o...

Right. Well, those weren't my best stories yet. I have more in here, but I was not told to bring any of them with me. =S Sheesh. Talk about competence. *Sigh* Oh well, 'tis not my place to complain. I only pray that I will get it and then, I'll properly decide on whether to continue in Taylor's or to move to UiTM for this course.

Right, that's all for today. I'll be continuing my PR work now. Farewell.

PS: NAH. JOSEPH. AN UPDATE FOR YOU. XDDD

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Friday, April 11, 2008, 14:45
After So Long

-looping "Take Me To The Riot" by Stars-


Ah, another long period of no posts. Due to lazyness, I must say. Of course, a lot of things happened yesterday and the days before this (aside from Aiman being extra-extra nice to me, sending me back. To Mother's. THRICE in a week~!! =3). Some I was told not to blog about in here while some I just forget...


Oh well, those has happened and that's that. I will be talking about today.


I skipped CCS today, and found out that my escape was worthwhile! THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT VIRUSES. WOW. Well, good thing I didn't attend. I was still busy choosing a song for my presentation (which I thought I could present today, but...), juggling between


  • "Personal - Stars"
  • "Twice - Little Dragon"
  • "Take Me To The Riot - Stars"


The first one was simply about a personal ad reply-get-together that went wrong. The second is...I don't know. 0.o And the last one was about prostitution. I think. These were all judged from the lyrics.



Then I decided to look for visual aids (knowing that most of them need these visual aids), so I searched YouTube for these songs and found...some of 'em.



Personal - Stars



The first song ain't too bad. In fact, it was pretty sad...and smart, in a way. It was all done on a window, animation and such. Conveying the message through drawing on the window screen.



Twice - Little Dragon



Beautiful shadow play. Beautiful. I really love the video here. BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE SONG IS TRYING TO CONVEY. 0___0



Take Me To The Riot - Stars



Now this is a fun song~! Upbeat! Fast-paced! And rather sexy in a way (the way the two singers were singing at each other, I meant). The female singer's rather pretty, I must say. But the song didn't somewhat match with what I thought about the song when I first read the lyrics. He seems to be having fun and going in clubs and such...


But, after much thinking (and negotiations), I've chosen Take Me To The Riot by Stars! =3 Controversial, yes! I can relate it to the Sufiah Yusof story~ Prostitution. An interesting topic.


Right, now that that's settled, I will move on to what happened today.


Syafiq was planning to drop out from college and go straight to work. And well...knowing me and Tash and Jules, we told him off. Well, not EXACTLY telling him off. We just thought that it wasn't a good idea and that he shouldn't go for it. I mean, yea, well, anyone would kill to get into his position right now. And almost everyone in this world hates to work, but they have no choice. And here he is, trying to rush into the working world...


I just thought it's not very appropriate, but blame my upbringing for this. I've been raised in a family where all these result-study-how-many-A's-did-you-get comes into play. A lot. I've been compared a lot with my cousins and such, so yes, automatically my mind rejects that idea. But then again, I don't know him THAT well to judge his motives so...I can't really say much.


*sighs* Well, in the end, it's something that he wants to do and I am in no position to stop him in any way. I just pray that he knows what he's doing.


It's rather sad though, seeing people this way. I mean, yea, it's what they want and all, but my mind kept going back to the ones who work because they have no other choice but to do so. Those, I can understand. But...to just throw away your opportunity to experience life as a student in college is like...throwing a huge chunk of your life from you.


Every person in this world (well, maybe not all of them, but for those who could afford education) deserves to at least enter college/university once before stepping into the corporate world. I mean, if you have the chance, then go for it! If you don't like it, find something else that you like! But...well, if you're already in it and you find yourself not really liking it, just go on with it. I mean, well, if you quit, it's just a waste of your parent's money. If you don't quit and continue with the thing you don't like, well, at least you'd learn something along the way, no?


Even if they're all just theories and dull assignments, it's still something for everyone to learn. Besides, your parents are giving you the chance to let you enjoy campus life! Take it! You'll never get this opportunity ever again!


But...well, if that is his choice, then like I said earlier, I can't help it.


And all this talk about universities brought me to another issue.


Just the other day, I got the blue card from PTPTPN saying that my application is accepted and is being processed. Well, rather hopeful, but my status is still not clear. So I can't hope too much. I have to hold on to the EPF form a little while longer. And my declaration letter on my father's disappearance as well.


Another one was an offer from UiTM (Universiti Teknologi MARA) for me to do a Diploma in stage play scriptwriting. 0.o Well, it was more of an interview for this Sunday. And the audition seems a wee bit odd because...I was told to sing...dance...and act out a scene from the lines of a script included in there. Also, I'm supposed to analyse TWO malay movies.


Sure, I don't mind. I mean, I like P.Ramlee. But...another malay movie would most probably be "Baik Punya Cilok". That was hilarious but...I can't quite remember most of it. Then again, I have a feeling I have to diversify my movie genre.


BUT I DON'T WANT TO ANALYSE THE STUPID ROMANTIC MALAY MOVIE. BLEGH. HORRIBLE. SERIOUSLY.


Even Puteri Gunung Ledang was...not good. I bet the Musical was much better.


Oh well. And I may have to skip the dancing part. I can't dance, though I could sing. I'll most probably play a piece on the piano or something...XDD


Ahh, Mother doesn't seem to happy with this (she wanted me to get Communication from UiTM, but oh well. Too bad) but she told me to go along with it anyway. XD


Problem is, my Father's not suppose to know about this...nor do anyone on the other side there...


*sigh* This is troublesome, really.

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Saturday, April 5, 2008, 08:03
More Tags

Now I know why you all are tired of doing tags. XD Then again, this is pretty fun~! XD

In a way. Yea. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, NEJI~~~~~ 0_____0 I'll be sure to give you a LONGER tag for you to do.

REPLACE 1 Q WITH UR OWN Q. Then, tag 8 ppl.



Who is ur all time inspiration?
My I.F.s, and maybe even Ms Natasha. XD

Name the kids you plan to have! (yes, I have to keep this up in case I forget later on~ XD)
My son Rhaegar! And my three daughters: Elerrina, Elissis, Enefea.

If u were to be stranded on a deserted island, who r the 3 blog buddies u would take with u?
3? It was four in the last tag. 0__0 Oh well~ XD

Aiman, Russell, Rae (SHORTY I WILL TAKE YOU THERE~ XD), Joseph (I need to SUCK all of your powers~ 8) )

Where is the place u want to go the most?
Austria. With lots of money on me, of course. And let it be a solo vacation for two whole weeks.

If u can have 1 dream to come true, wad would it be?
Seeing my stories turn into anime/movie/manga. But...hmm, to actually achieve that, I have to finish the stories on all my I.F.s before they all start disappearing.

But yea, I'd like that to happen. =)

Do u have a crush now?
I'm with him. =3

Wad r u most afraid to lose now?
LAAAPTOPPPP~!!

XD Seriously, I think it'd be my ability to read, think, and write.

If u win $1 million, wad would u do?
Keep the half for my kids. Spend the other half on paying for my education, owning a penthouse with the rest of the furnitures in it, and traveling.

And a cat.

If u meet someone that u love, would u confess to her?
I'll give it a few days, maybe even a week. If I've confirmed that my affection is returned with his, then I'll confess.

Didn't actually turn out that way with Aiman. But heck. That works too if you're very very sure. XD

List out 3 good points of the person who tagged u:
Neji = good at bowling (;___;), futsal, generous (XD), and seems very reliable. =)

Wad r the requirements that u wish 4rom ur other half?
Love, comfort, and understanding. (Money, of course, is needed~ XD And sexy-ness as well)

Which type of person do u hate the most?
Idiots. Ignorants.

Wad is ur ambition?
To rule the world? Nah, can't do that. I suppose it's to just be a better someone...and to be a good mother to my children. =P

If u have faults, would u rather the ppl around u point out to u, or would u rather they keep quiet?
Don't keep it to yourselves, TELL.

Wad do u think is the most important thing in ur life?
Ambition. Dreams. And the will to move forward.

R u a shopaholic or not?
It all depends on my money. =3 And my plans.

Do u believe in miracles?
Depends on how often it happens to me. XD

If u have a chance, which part of ur character would u like to change?
My...ability to think before I speak. Need to work on that more.

Is there anything that u have done which u regret?
Plenty.

Wad do u feel like doing now?
This can be anything, right? Right?

I'd like a long drive to someplace far...alone, or with him. No one else.


I tag:

  1. Chel
  2. Debs
  3. Aiman (I know you won't do it~ =.= )
  4. Russell
  5. Sawwaa!
  6. To whomever it may concern~ XD

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Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 08:22
In Between Today and Tomorrow

Ah, how long has it been since I’ve last posted a proper post? Rather long, it seems. The last three posts were tags (though I must admit the first tag of the three proved to be the most trivial tags of them all. I don’t often have men in my mind, so yes), and now, I shall break that chain and post a proper post.

Yes, so what is new?

Ah yes, yesterday was the day where I first confessed to Aiman of my feelings (though it was meant to be a joke at some point (April Fool’s), but I did have feelings for him at that point). By all that, I meant that yesterday was the confession-anniversary day. XD Goodness gracious, a year has passed since then, and once more, I reminisce those moments.

Funny how it all began with a book. Sandman, by Neil Gaiman.

And from then on, it branched out to several others. Music was after that (it was Mezame, a soundtrack from Mai-Hime by Yuki Kajiura), though I mistaken it for Ensei, it still shows my interest in his kind of music. This made me even more curious.

And next was the so-called ‘perfectly-planned-scenario’, or so my cousins claimed it to be (it wasn’t my fault though. 0.o nor was it his doing. XD).

I invited him to join my friends and I for a movie at Cineleisure on that very day itself. Movie wasn’t that interesting (sorry Chel, I’m not a big fan of…angry-looking-stomping men ^_^; ) but it was in that movie where I warmed him when his hands were cold. Well, you could say I was trying to reel him in. Closer, and closer.

Then one by one, my friends had to leave, starting with Debs and Chel. It was then just us three (me, Aiman, and Rae), but later, Rae had to leave us so then, it was just the two of us.

Perfectly-planned-scenario, eh?

We our dinner at Caffe’ 1920, and I persuaded him to try the Timballo. XD

And it was then when I found out that he also played SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI: NOCTURNE. It was such a big deal for me because you see, from the day I first purchased the copy of that game (that was…when I was Form 1 or 2, I think), I have never met anyone else who played that game. Ever. That was, until the 30th of March, 2007. Nothing could express my happiness and relief at that moment when I found out about it.

Of course, since I have been single for three years (since Form 3) and was stuck at having a crush on the same guy for two whole years (before Foundation), the only way to fill in that loneliness was through my stories, my games, and my books. Oh, no, don’t be mistaken. I have plenty of friends, though I only kept some close to me ever since one of them…betrayed me in some way (she claims I betrayed her, but I simply cannot remember how. Yes, I believe someone planted seeds of destruction in this. Oh, no worries, we made up with each other and are friends again, though not very attached as I was back then). But yes, to me, something that involves a game (like how Aiman knew SMT: Nocturne) excites me and made me even more curious.

And on the 1st of April, I confessed to him. Knowing my past relationship (yes, I was turned down by Aaron AND he made me tell him why I liked him. AND he told me other people have told him this before and he declined them all. Oh well, f*** that.), I would very much expect another turned down offer. After all, I acted a bit too hasty on this. But there was that something in me (and it’s been there for quite some time) that told me to do things as fast as I can, grab any chances that come by my way and claim it as mine. This was the very case itself.

Much to my surprise, he responded differently. And my feelings were returned by his.

Aah, such joy (shock first, then joy), such overwhelming sense of joy.

That confession was done yesterday, a year ago.

And tomorrow will be the anniversary of our first relationship.

Hehe, the four months of separation between us will be remembered, of course. But the rest is history. All that matters is how much we’ve learned from the past and to continue walking on.

Here’s to us, Aiman. May nothing ever comes in our way again.

May we both love each other and not let this feeling die.

To us, to the both us! Now and forevermore.

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