a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

Perhaps it is in music where we find the truth of the words we speak, no matter how much we mean those words.




Still looking for more
Must you love another
Must you lie
Must you judge
Must you take another

When you go in the dark
One day you'll discover
That you can't understand
How to love another

The first time I saw her, it was in a music video by Jamie Scott and The Town. I saw her, and I loved her instantly. At that moment, I felt the need to know her name, and who she really was. But after years of searching (2 years, to be honest), I found nothing. Just the video. Nothing on this mysterious lady of mine.

She was a lovely young woman with hair, red as fire...and skin, pale as snow, scattered by little freckles across her face and body. She was beautiful, very beautiful. I can't tell what colour it was when I looked into her eyes. It was dark, I realised, but...calm. Inviting.

There was nothing else that I noticed. Only her hair, her eyes, and the soft whisper of her voice. It sounded raspy, like she had no voice to begin with, but...I figured it fits her.

And she was beautiful.

It was...devastating, the feeling I felt when I could not find her. So I calmed myself by finding pictures similar to her. And that's how I came to love women with flaming red hairs with pale skins. Because they looked so much like her, and it was the only thing I could do to express my love for her.

Yet, she remains unreachable to me. She was much too far away from me.

Perhaps there was a reason behind this, I thought, perhaps if I were to grasp her for real and make her mine, something terrible might happen. At least, I would like to think of it that way.

And as for pet names? Or made-up names? No. Not for her. Not for my fire-kissed queen for no names could truly capture the beauty that is her. Thus, she will remain nameless as I first saw her.

My flame-haired lady.

My ruby in diamonds.

My fire.

Jamie Scott & The Town - When Will I See Your Face Again