a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

Comrades!

'Tis been eons since we last met for a little tale by the campfire, eh? Ah, but I must admit, some tales remain as tales while most became what it is today. Reality. However, 'tis time for me to correct the errs and bring justice upon these wronged facts! The truth and lies will be brought to trial before the judge of the world!

Aye, I digress, yet as a storyteller, a chronicler, 'tis my obligation to tell you a story. A proper one, no? Ah yes, let us continue from where we left off, eh?

Hmm, the last we stopped was at the part where my journey begins anew in another place, away from my loved ones and companions. A journey that will take me into another city, where skyscrapers remain as mere dreams, and the nightlife filled with orchestras of crickets; yes, such is the life of this new city.

Yet, my journey here was thwarted with the qualms of my heart and the tension in the house. My decision was swift and just, but my heart tore at the choice I made.

What about you? What about me? What about what I want? What about what I truly feel?

"What about what I want?" was the very first question I asked my Mother when she raised this issue on me signing up for UiTM. And her only reply was "Don't disappoint me,".

My recent visit to my grandfather's changed my mind once more, and all of my aunts and uncles reminded me that when it comes to education, the parents would do their utmost for their children. I learned how my grandparents had to sacrifices some of their gold and the struggle they went through to just pay for my father's and aunt's schools.

"I don't want my Father to struggle too much, I mean, well, it's a lot to pay compared to going to UiTM," I said to all of them.

"So you're going there for the sake of money?"

"No, I..." I had to come clean with this. I'm not one to lie with my tongue, "Yes,"

My father spoke up, "Alissa, if I don't have the money, I wouldn't have sent you there in the first place, would I?"

I thought again; this was true. He had no hesitance. In fact, he was encouraging me to go, to continue in Taylor's.

"Alissa, you're already in a University, doing your DEGREE. And you'd rather step down to spend more years doing Diploma?" he asked me again.

I was silent. Once more, he was true. Although my Foundation was only a year, it was basically everything combined into one. Though not as deep as Diploma, it was enough for me to enter Degree.

"But Mama has already paid for the fees. I'll be wasting her money," I retorted, defending my Mother (this happens in both houses. I defend my Father when my Mother disses about him, and I defend my Mother when my Father talks about her).

My uncle spoke up, "Well, if you go to UiTM, you'd be wasting money too. A lot of money, all those thousands of ringgits your Father spent on all those three semesters of Foundation. Tell me, which one's the wasted one?"

Another point proven.

My position was shaky, for I was the only one defending my Mother against all of them here. No, I do not detest them for their points, merely because, deep in me, I do want to stay. I want to remain in Taylor's, with my friends, with the lecturers I know, and with beloved. Heck, I have an event to run with my colleagues! And I'm the secretary! I can't just abandon my post!

I want to stay. I want to stay. I want to stay.

Of course, the news was not pleasant to my Mother's ears, and she blames my Father for brainwashing me. Well, no surprise there. My Father was the one who blamed my Mother for brainwashing me when I chose to go to UiTM. They're constantly at each other's throat. *Sigh* Thank god they're divorced, really.

So, in the midst of all the chaos, I took shelter at my Father's while I try to explain to her. I know, it was my fault for suddenly coming up with this, but truly, you must understand. I do not want this from the beginning. You could say I was forced, but...in a way, I believe sympathy and guilt played a part in my choice as well.

In the end, my Mother made a deal with me.

I will be going to UiTM this 28th of June. But just for a month. Once nearing the end of July, I will decide to either stay there or go back to Taylor's.

I knew what I wanted already.

Then again, I can't be too sure about it. My mind, mood, and heart changes. But to be away from my beloved, my PS2, my books, my bookstores, my sister who needs me the most, my city...'tis painful.

I told that to Mother.

"You'll be doing the same thing anyway when your Father sends you to Adelaide, that is, IF he does sends you there. You're still leaving your siblings here. What difference does it make?" she replied.

GAH.

Why can't I...make my decisions peacefully? Am I not old enough to make them?

Truly, I am tired. But that's not all, I have other assignments to worry about, my job as a secretary, and my other responsibilities as well.

Let's just move away from that topic, I'm too sored to talk about it anymore.

I managed to finish my minutes this early early morn! =D And by that, I meant 1:20am. Strangely, I felt wide awake and I felt my creative juices filling my thoughts. And so in my email with the minutes attached in it, I wrote this as the opening act/scene to my proper message in my email:

Hee-hoo to my fellow friends, '
Tis I, comrade Hermes in disguise,
Delivering thee some news, some sense,
Lest we all wander, in a great many lies.

To work, my friends!
To arms, comrades!
Many trials await,
Many battles we fight!

Until the Reckoning comes,
Where all is decided.

Shaddup. I know the 2nd and 3rd stanzas did not rhyme like the 1st. I was already lazy after that.

LOL. After the proper message, I sent it to the ones who should be receiving the minutes of the meeting.

Oh well. I'm looking forward to any new surprises my mind could offer me. Truly, the mind is a very mysterious being.