a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

It is difficult to keep track on certain topic in your mind. Also, it is terribly dificult to think about the things you wish to avoid. Then again, it happens. And for some reason, as much as you keep it hidden from the world, there will always be someone who has the ability to fish it out from inside you.

That happened today, actually. But not too worry, it was nothing too serious. It was just one of her specialties, or rather, it is how she reacts whenever it is just the two of us. Somehow or rather, we will end up talking about it and she will be able to fish it out from me. A secret or two, or perhaps something so secretive it does not truly deserve the name 'secret'.

It opened my mind to something I never thought I would think of. And this led me to delve into the minds of the ones dwelling within my mind.

So, without further ado, I will let you see some of the things that goes on in my ever-changing mind.

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"Where is my soul?"

"...my life for your taking. I shall..."

"She is gone; no one will be there to guide thy hands,"

"The Creator is the most wonderful person. She has brought us many--"

"--LIES!"

"...and--"

"--LEFT US TO OUR DOOM!"

"Why must you doubt her?"

"My work, plenty. Damn, where do I start? My goddamn partner's not responding. Who's going to do the intro? Me again? But I have other things to do too. Bloody hell--"

"Is it coming to an end, Alaistar?"

"Where is my soul?"

"The sky seemed darker than usual, don't you think so?"

"...and if I continue to serve you, what will happen to me?"

"Fukami-sama, we must return, somehow,"

"Who is to tell when to? We? Her? The Kaiser? Is it not we who possess minds of our own? Is it not we who created the order in this realm? Why do you say we have to obey her?"

"...there's also IPD to think about,"

"YOU DESPICABLE FOOL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME?!"

"I'm hungry,"

"The forest dies as the seconds go by. My existence hangs upon a thin thread. Soon, I too will go with the forest,"

"Why did I say that to my Father? Why?"

"Come, let us pray to the Creator. Perhaps in these troubled times, she may come to our aid and deliver us from this misery,"

"Do you love me?"

"If I gave you a reason, you would no longer be here," he smiled, "I have to keep you guessing just to have you with me,"

"The House..."

"Where is my soul?"

"I wonder how Allie's doin' now. She's probably busy with her work and all, but I should go visit her...gotta' apologize to her for last time," he sighed, "Why the hell did I do that?"

"Existence; 'tis a very nimble essence that we all possess. Belief creates Existence, and that's how we survive, how we all came to be. But did we truly come through her? And if so, why does our Existence truly depends on her Belief on us? Why don't we all take her and create ourselves as wholes?"

"...ah...harder, my love...ahh...AH!"

"Evacute the villagers! Protect the crops!" the emperor drew her sword, "Cavalry, CHARGE!"

"Helia..."

"Is it me that you feel, touch, embrace, and devour? Tell me, love, hide no secrets from me lest I render them cruelly from your mind,"

"Why am I doing this to myself?! I'm just hurting the people around me!"

"I want to love him, and I do love him. But I--"

"...exiled from Harmonia. I have plans on leading a rebellion against them but I need a leader, a figurehead; and an army," the tactician extended his hand to the young man, "Will you be my leader?"

"Continue my quest? Hah, what quest? I'm merely drifting...but I do seek something out there. Something exists out there and I want to find it, but at the same time, I can't just abandon it here,"

"Perfection doesn't exist in this world. In fact, I think our minds are too limited to fathom the capabilities of a perfect being. But, suppose we do acquire perfection, won't that make us gods? Heck, who are we to call ourselves gods when we could very well be above that? What then would they call us?"

"I love him,"

"And I love you, Scar,"

"You called me by my middle name, unlike the others. Unlike my dearest cousin, Timaeus..."

"I just want to know why I'm doing this. Is it because of her? Is it truly beacuse I seek the thrill of it? Perhaps it is 'love' that I have fallen in love with, perhaps 'words', perhaps 'lust'..."

"...kill her,"

"Where is my soul?"

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It's odd, really.

Maybe having too many personae in your head would really turn you into a schizoprenic one day. Maybe I really am right now. But it's just the matter of the mind, right?

So, if one is schizophrenic by choice, what would that make her?