a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

The room was dimly lit by a single lightbulb that hung from the ceiling. But even in that dimness, one could still note that the room was practically empty of furnitures. You would probably expect a bed or a couch, but the room was empty of it.

Save but a simple wooden chair, where a male mannequin was tied to it.

She paced back and forth in the room, thinking of the proper words to say. To be honest, she was holding back this deep anger welling up from inside her. How it came to be there, she knew, but how it got so deep, she knew not.

"Fine, FINE," the girl turned to the mannequin and grabbed it by the shoulders, glaring at it straight in the eye, "You listen here and you listen good,"

The mannequin gave no response, as expected. But she went on.

"I...I've been keeping this in me for so goddamn long, but today, really, today was the last straw," the girl said, "I won't let anything else interfere my thoughts right now,"

She took a deep breath, and began her sentences:

"All these while, all these goddamn while, I've hardly ever said no to you. Perhaps there were times, but I had no choice. I would suppose you would too, but I notice...I notice that when such things happen, I would really try to push the limit. You know," she shrugged a little, "Sacrifice a little here and there,"

The mannequin only stared at her with its wooden eyes.

"And when I do things for you, I do it because I wanted to. Spare some time, go through some troubles just to do that, and sacrifice something, be it my money or my 'solitude' time. I would do that, just for you, and you know that," she sighed, "But...but damn! You...you can be so bloody selfish sometime! Just so...so you, you, and you,"

The girl pushed the mannequin away from her, watching it fall with the chair.

"I mean, I know, I do that too. Like right now, you know? And for once, I want to be fucking selfish too and tell you EVERYTHING," she stomped her foot, "I love you, goddamnit, but that's just one part of me that says it. The other half just feels like giving you one big punch in the face and tell you to grow up! Be more like a gentleman! A...a...GAH!"

She kicked the chair.

"I never, at the very least, try to trouble you. The only thing I ever ask of you would be just that very one thing that you dread. Perhaps dread, maybe it was something else. Maybe because you have your worries too, for your own safety. But for god's sake, that is the only thing I ever ask of you. Did I ever ask you for money? Did I ever ask you to go to some...some faraway place and acquire something for me, for my sake? Did I ever ask you to trouble yourself?"

The girl kicked the chair again; "Did I!?"

"I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm tired. And I sometimes wish I could be more braver to tell you this in person, but whenever I see you, I just can't," she looked down and began to chuckle, "I smile. I say that 'I'm all right' even though deep down inside, I'm welling up in anger, frustration, disappointment. I just have to put that mask, the very same mask that I wear everytime this happens, and go along with it,"

And from beyond the darkness, a tall man approached from behind her.

"Yet you could never tell him," he said in his solemn voice.

She watched the mannequin on the floor, and hung her head low in guilt; "No. No, I could never,"

The man stood next to her and followed her eyes, "Then why do you stay?"

There was a brief moment of silence, like a thoughtful one. And then a sigh; "Because I love him so dearly. Because I depend on him. Because I need him,"

- - - - - - - - - -

O.O

Damn, this was one heckuva prose.

o.o

Eh, *shrugs* can't write more. My class is starting soon. Till next time, fellow readers.