a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

Oh, my dearest blog. There has been many things that I have been wanting to write here, but for the past 2 months, a lot has happened. It occupied me, took me away from you; but here I am, if not for a very short while. And it is truly ironic that today is the day I choose to update you because it won't be long until he leaves for US again.

When will he return, you ask? Well, if you ask the naive little girl in me, I would say as soon as possible. But if you ask me, with all that I was, am, and will be, I would say, "When he is ready, because I know he will come back,".

If there was one thing I realised about myself and this relationship I am in with him, it is this: completion.

Perhaps I have mentioned this many times before in the past, and perhaps this particular word has lost its true meaning after being abused for so long. And perhaps by saying all this, I am being a hypocrite to myself and to my own words and promises made long ago. But I wish not to dwell in the past; it is done and done with. I am who I am now, transformed into the person that is sitting here, typing this post.

When I am with William, I feel completion. I feel as though nothing else matters, and that the world only revolves around him and I. As selfish as that may sound, it is how it feels every time we talk, touch, laugh, kiss. I...I really cannot find the best way to describe it without making it sound like this came straight from another Virginia Henley's romance novel or those Harlequin books. This is the most honest-down-to-earth explanation I could give you; I am completely, terribly, unbelievably in love with William.

And when people say and ask,

"You're moving too fast,"

"Slow down, take your time,"

"There are still many other fishes in the sea,"

"Don't you think you're rushing this?"

"I think you need to take time and learn to know him first,"

"You HAVE to go through a big argument before knowing that he is the one for you,"

"You've only known him for a year; what makes you think you're so sure of this?"

I would smile, turn to them, and tell them this:
"What's wrong with wanting to be with someone you love?"

True, it does sound like something taken from a romance novel or after much daydreaming. But believe me when I say that I have waited for him all my life, believe me with all my heart and soul. This is the person, the one.

People may think that I have never been through a proper relationship, and that my previous one was proof enough to show that it can fail. Of course, I did not say that it would never fail on its own. But that is because I am, no- WE are going to make this work, because it is what we both want, because we do not let doubt cloud our mind and judgment, because we will triumph where others have failed.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with getting engaged early. It only means that you are both promised to each other, and not marriage. At least, not yet. There is more commitment involved, but that is fine; we both have shown our capabilities to each other. If anything, the challenge bonds us even closer than before. It is a step above the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' stage.

And when you think about it, you look at adults who marry after being engaged for only 3 months. Does that not say something?

You can say all you want, but there really is no specific guidelines that people should follow when it comes to things like these. If anything, they only contribute the rising number of divorces in the world.

True, those divorces happen mainly through lack of planning. But I would not say the same for William and I; we have many plans, speculations, plan Bs, Cs for the near future. We have done our planning (mere outlines, but clear ones, nonetheless), and we know what to do.

I love my fiance, and I will make this work. As I have promised many eons ago, I will work on this promise for real this time.