i'm with you all the way
Wilkommen
Aufsteigende Flügel is German for "Soaring Wings", a beautiful piano piece composed by Masashi Hamauzu. It is a retreat, a place for me to speak my mind, my thoughts,
and my ideas. I bid you all welcome and please, enjoy your stay while you can.
In case you're wondering, the song you hear playing in the background is called Memories, composed and performed by Kow Otani for the best PS2 game of all time, Shadow of the Colossus.
This was one of the many unused tracks from the game, so I thought I might do it justice playing this lovely track here. It may take a while to load, but please pause it and give it a good listen.
Otani makes good music (unfortunately, this is the only one I know of), and this is one of them. Enjoy!
Profile
Voice
Comrades
Looking Back
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
April 2010
May 2010
August 2010
October 2010
December 2010
Vielen Dank
Layout: vehemency
Icon: TCS,
Sunlitdays,
Bella.Sol
Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 16:40
there's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
So here's a slice of real life coming from yours truly:
One:
I'm currently juggling two jobs (one which I have been slightly neglecting...I should get back to work on that. Fast); my tutor job and a part-time at my aunt's science journal in Universiti Malaya. And I do hope to keep these two jobs to keep the money coming, at least till William returns to continue his study here. At the very least, I would be able to help him until he's able to help in return.
Two:
I find myself missing college. A lot. Not just the food, but going there to study and doing assignments. I miss them all. And I miss seeing my friends there. I miss hanging out with them.
Three:
At the same time, I can't wait to graduate from this course, get a job, and support William.
Four:
Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) is my current fad and obsession since my PS2 started scratching my lovely games. I would go to Pyramid every week to practice 3 games, and then leave.
Five:
Paranormal Activity haunts my nights. Even zombies could not beat this. I don't know why, and I do not like it.
Six:
I am half-considering going back to Role-Playing online again. Last time I did, the idiots were...well, idiots. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't.
Seven:
Will is not going to have Internet for a while. I'm currently planning my budgets and keeping a good eye on my phone bill. Not to mention, the previous editor of the science journal told me that she was not paid 3 months in a row. That's the reason why she quit and why I got the job. It is worrying. I hope my classes are enough to support me if that were to happen.
Eight:
I like U.M. It has such a nice atmosphere to it, compared to the likes of UiTM. I hope William will enjoy his time studying there and taking part in their activities. Give him the undergraduate student life he deserves, you know? I'll see to it that everything goes well. I swear.
Nine:
Pirate Bay, you will be sorely missed.
Ten:
I have improved in my studies, and I will continue to improve. You won't see me coming, 2010, till I strike!
- - -
The day moved slowly, he realised, perhaps a bit too slow for his liking. He wanted it to go, follow its usual, speedy pace and run. Just keep it moving, as long as this day ended as soon as possible.
But the rain was hard and bitter. It slowed him down, it slowed everyone else down. He found himself hesitating to leave the room, insisting that he should stay and continue on what was left of his paperworks. There were reports to be made, losses to be calculated, amendments to lessen the damage that was already done to this place from the recent war; he was in charge of all these, and he wanted to do it, just to take his mind off it.
There was a knock on his door; "Lord Silverberg," said a solemn voice from behind it, "It is time,"
Yet, as much as he wanted to avoid it, he had to put it all to a hold.
He hated farewells.
"I'm not certain of your rituals here," he replied, taking nothing but his sword that was strapped around his waist as he opened the door, "Where do you conduct the ceremony?"
"By the shores of Gibrantar, where the mighty kings journey beyond the sea,"
- - -
For the first time ever, Gibrantar stood in silence as it watched its king being carried by its loyal knights down the path towards the shores. These men were the men closest to His Majesty back in the days. They were the ones that were true to him till the end of his days.
Not him, no. He was a betrayer.
The kingdoms before Gibrantar were all taken by the Harmonian forces, thanks to his work on digging every bit of information there is about the kingdoms. After all, Harmonia has always been interested to expand their territories and economy. It was the only method he was left to do to clear his name from his crimes and from being exiled.
Yet, something about him changed when he was here in Gibrantar, the last kingdom at the very south of the continent. Till now, he continued to wonder what it was that made him change his views and motives.
Then he looked at the mighty king that once ruled this place, lying peacefully in his coffin. Perhaps that was what changed him; the man himself.
Never has he seen a man so true and honest until he met him. Perplexed would be the best word to describe his initial feelings towards this man. But it soon grew to something he never thought he would feel again; respect and honour.
"His Royal Majesty, King Andovan II..."
The words went on, but he paid no attention to them.
Surrounding the king's coffin were loyal men, true to his cause. They pledged their sword to this man, and silently begged for forgiveness for their failure to protect their king.
Not too far off from the circle of men was Her Highness, Queen Clarisse. She stood tall and proud at the sight of her beloved's passing, yet none could truly fathom the sorrow that muddled her thoughts and dulled her senses. Standing next to the proud queen was the king's young son, Horace. Still a child of seven years, yet he understood the scene shown before him.
The others stood behind him, each murmuring a different prayer for the fallen king.
Yet, when it came to him, there was nothing. He had no prayers, he had no tears, and he had no remorse or any guilt that loomed in his heart like the others. Albert was empty, devoid of feelings and the rational thoughts that made him a renown tactician.
Like the queen herself, he too was numb.
Words were exchanged, prayers were left, and soon, the funeral ended with a mighty push into the sea.
One by one, the people left the shore and returned to their homes. The knights gave their final salute to their king before retreating into the castle.
Soon, it was just the queen, Horace, and himself standing at the shores of Gibrantar.
"Lord Silverberg," she started, her eyes fixed upon the sight of her husband drifting further into the sea, "My husband spoke a great many things of you,"
Albert managed a small smile, "He was a great king. I only gave my very best,"
Queen Clarisse turned to look at him, "You protected us, and you were there when he needed you most,"
"Except for that time,"
And then there was silence. Again. He cursed himself for his own stupidity.
Yet, the queen continued, "He knew his time was coming, Lord Silverberg," she said, "As much as I tried to deny it, I knew it too,"
He only watched her. There was nothing else he could say.
She approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "'I trust Albert more than anything. I could only hope that he would forgive me for giving him such a heavy burden to look after Horace for me'" she smiled softly, "Those were his last words to me before I learned of his death,"
Once more, he said nothing.
"Ponder on it, Lord Silverberg," she turned to walk back to the castle with Horace in her hand, "And I will see you at the castle,"
At her departure, he turned to the shores and watched as the last remaining sight of the mighty King Andovan disappeared into the darkening horizon. It was a sight to behold, he thought, with the sun sinking into dusk, carrying the king along with it. Another day ends, another life gone.
He went closer to the shores and stared at the Harmonian emblem engraved on his silver ring. In his mind, he remembered the many troubles he went through to return to Harmonia, his homeland. Yet, all that seemed to have disappeared, and the silver ring eventually lost its meaning.
Silently, he took it off his finger and in a single swing, he threw it into the waters.
"May you forgive me as well for the things I might have done to you, Andovan," he spoke.
With that, he turned and left the shores of Gibrantar.
One:
I'm currently juggling two jobs (one which I have been slightly neglecting...I should get back to work on that. Fast); my tutor job and a part-time at my aunt's science journal in Universiti Malaya. And I do hope to keep these two jobs to keep the money coming, at least till William returns to continue his study here. At the very least, I would be able to help him until he's able to help in return.
Two:
I find myself missing college. A lot. Not just the food, but going there to study and doing assignments. I miss them all. And I miss seeing my friends there. I miss hanging out with them.
Three:
At the same time, I can't wait to graduate from this course, get a job, and support William.
Four:
Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) is my current fad and obsession since my PS2 started scratching my lovely games. I would go to Pyramid every week to practice 3 games, and then leave.
Five:
Paranormal Activity haunts my nights. Even zombies could not beat this. I don't know why, and I do not like it.
Six:
I am half-considering going back to Role-Playing online again. Last time I did, the idiots were...well, idiots. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't.
Seven:
Will is not going to have Internet for a while. I'm currently planning my budgets and keeping a good eye on my phone bill. Not to mention, the previous editor of the science journal told me that she was not paid 3 months in a row. That's the reason why she quit and why I got the job. It is worrying. I hope my classes are enough to support me if that were to happen.
Eight:
I like U.M. It has such a nice atmosphere to it, compared to the likes of UiTM. I hope William will enjoy his time studying there and taking part in their activities. Give him the undergraduate student life he deserves, you know? I'll see to it that everything goes well. I swear.
Nine:
Pirate Bay, you will be sorely missed.
Ten:
I have improved in my studies, and I will continue to improve. You won't see me coming, 2010, till I strike!
- - -
The day moved slowly, he realised, perhaps a bit too slow for his liking. He wanted it to go, follow its usual, speedy pace and run. Just keep it moving, as long as this day ended as soon as possible.
But the rain was hard and bitter. It slowed him down, it slowed everyone else down. He found himself hesitating to leave the room, insisting that he should stay and continue on what was left of his paperworks. There were reports to be made, losses to be calculated, amendments to lessen the damage that was already done to this place from the recent war; he was in charge of all these, and he wanted to do it, just to take his mind off it.
There was a knock on his door; "Lord Silverberg," said a solemn voice from behind it, "It is time,"
Yet, as much as he wanted to avoid it, he had to put it all to a hold.
He hated farewells.
"I'm not certain of your rituals here," he replied, taking nothing but his sword that was strapped around his waist as he opened the door, "Where do you conduct the ceremony?"
"By the shores of Gibrantar, where the mighty kings journey beyond the sea,"
- - -
For the first time ever, Gibrantar stood in silence as it watched its king being carried by its loyal knights down the path towards the shores. These men were the men closest to His Majesty back in the days. They were the ones that were true to him till the end of his days.
Not him, no. He was a betrayer.
The kingdoms before Gibrantar were all taken by the Harmonian forces, thanks to his work on digging every bit of information there is about the kingdoms. After all, Harmonia has always been interested to expand their territories and economy. It was the only method he was left to do to clear his name from his crimes and from being exiled.
Yet, something about him changed when he was here in Gibrantar, the last kingdom at the very south of the continent. Till now, he continued to wonder what it was that made him change his views and motives.
Then he looked at the mighty king that once ruled this place, lying peacefully in his coffin. Perhaps that was what changed him; the man himself.
Never has he seen a man so true and honest until he met him. Perplexed would be the best word to describe his initial feelings towards this man. But it soon grew to something he never thought he would feel again; respect and honour.
"His Royal Majesty, King Andovan II..."
The words went on, but he paid no attention to them.
Surrounding the king's coffin were loyal men, true to his cause. They pledged their sword to this man, and silently begged for forgiveness for their failure to protect their king.
Not too far off from the circle of men was Her Highness, Queen Clarisse. She stood tall and proud at the sight of her beloved's passing, yet none could truly fathom the sorrow that muddled her thoughts and dulled her senses. Standing next to the proud queen was the king's young son, Horace. Still a child of seven years, yet he understood the scene shown before him.
The others stood behind him, each murmuring a different prayer for the fallen king.
Yet, when it came to him, there was nothing. He had no prayers, he had no tears, and he had no remorse or any guilt that loomed in his heart like the others. Albert was empty, devoid of feelings and the rational thoughts that made him a renown tactician.
Like the queen herself, he too was numb.
Words were exchanged, prayers were left, and soon, the funeral ended with a mighty push into the sea.
One by one, the people left the shore and returned to their homes. The knights gave their final salute to their king before retreating into the castle.
Soon, it was just the queen, Horace, and himself standing at the shores of Gibrantar.
"Lord Silverberg," she started, her eyes fixed upon the sight of her husband drifting further into the sea, "My husband spoke a great many things of you,"
Albert managed a small smile, "He was a great king. I only gave my very best,"
Queen Clarisse turned to look at him, "You protected us, and you were there when he needed you most,"
"Except for that time,"
And then there was silence. Again. He cursed himself for his own stupidity.
Yet, the queen continued, "He knew his time was coming, Lord Silverberg," she said, "As much as I tried to deny it, I knew it too,"
He only watched her. There was nothing else he could say.
She approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "'I trust Albert more than anything. I could only hope that he would forgive me for giving him such a heavy burden to look after Horace for me'" she smiled softly, "Those were his last words to me before I learned of his death,"
Once more, he said nothing.
"Ponder on it, Lord Silverberg," she turned to walk back to the castle with Horace in her hand, "And I will see you at the castle,"
At her departure, he turned to the shores and watched as the last remaining sight of the mighty King Andovan disappeared into the darkening horizon. It was a sight to behold, he thought, with the sun sinking into dusk, carrying the king along with it. Another day ends, another life gone.
He went closer to the shores and stared at the Harmonian emblem engraved on his silver ring. In his mind, he remembered the many troubles he went through to return to Harmonia, his homeland. Yet, all that seemed to have disappeared, and the silver ring eventually lost its meaning.
Silently, he took it off his finger and in a single swing, he threw it into the waters.
"May you forgive me as well for the things I might have done to you, Andovan," he spoke.
With that, he turned and left the shores of Gibrantar.
Friday, January 1, 2010, 12:32
and I have no concept of time other than it is flying
So the day has finally arrived; the dawn of 2010 (or rather, the noon of the first 2010). I know I forgot to put up my resolutions for last year, but this year, on this very day, I will.
It won't be just mine; it'd be everyone's resolutions in my head.
Aaaaaaaand let us start with the first and eldest in the family, Ayana!
It won't be just mine; it'd be everyone's resolutions in my head.
Aaaaaaaand let us start with the first and eldest in the family, Ayana!
AYANA'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Hm, if all goes well, then I can finally clean up the House once and for all. I will make it a goal to send everyone back to their respective worlds and when that is all done, I'll go back to Fukami-sensei's side. I wish to end our stories one day, for Alissa's sake.
Hm, if all goes well, then I can finally clean up the House once and for all. I will make it a goal to send everyone back to their respective worlds and when that is all done, I'll go back to Fukami-sensei's side. I wish to end our stories one day, for Alissa's sake.
...R-Resolution indeed.
Ayana: It is my task as the last Kaiser in the House, na? =]
I suppose I did assign you for the job. Funny how you're the first to come to me and the last to be the Kaiser, and the opposite goes for Akiko, being the last to come and the first as Kaiser.
Ayana: Hitsuzen, Alissa. It is sealed in fate. =]
Mm, yes. Quite. Thank you, Ayana!
Ayana: ^_^
And next in the list, Rin!
RIN'S 2010 RESOLUTION
...*sighs* I suppose I'll confess it here and now.
I will make it a point in time to throw the empire into total chaos, or to find a suitable replacement for Emperor Yazuri to take over her empire. Once that is done, I will take her hand in marriage, as I should have done many years ago.
RIN'S 2010 RESOLUTION
...*sighs* I suppose I'll confess it here and now.
I will make it a point in time to throw the empire into total chaos, or to find a suitable replacement for Emperor Yazuri to take over her empire. Once that is done, I will take her hand in marriage, as I should have done many years ago.
B-but...what about what Yazuri would think?
Rin: She is tired. This is not what she was groomed to be.
What makes you think you know what's best for her?
Rin: I know this. Without a doubt.
...hope that works well for you, Rin. o.o
Aaaaaand next, we have Emperor Yazuri herself!
YAZURI'S 2010 RESOLUTION
This time, I will not let my emotions get the better of me. If I am to stand alone in the matters of my empire, then I will do so.
YAZURI'S 2010 RESOLUTION
This time, I will not let my emotions get the better of me. If I am to stand alone in the matters of my empire, then I will do so.
What about YOUR own resolution for YOURSELF?
Yazuri: ...I...c-cannot.
=\
Yazuri: I'm sorry.
...okay. Let's hope she gets better resolutions as the days pass by. And next, we have mah homie, Ryu!
RYU'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Hell yes! Next year's my graduation year, so I'll work mighty hard for this year. And I'll continue to support Asuka and myself without Nobu's help. Also...um, well...
RYU'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Hell yes! Next year's my graduation year, so I'll work mighty hard for this year. And I'll continue to support Asuka and myself without Nobu's help. Also...um, well...
Yesssss?
Ryu: If all goes well, we'll marry in December. =]
Damn, Ryu! XD You're...dude, you're only 22.
Ryu: BEST TIME TA GET ME A WAIFUU. 8D Besides, I plan to do looots of things with her too. Maybe travel or something. Just work harder, and such, before we settle down and start a family together.
I'm glad to hear that. =]
Ryu: Hey, if things go well between you and Conrad, you'll be on par with mua~
Definitely! ^^
Next in line is my silent, watchful, yet, pessimistic comrade, Saaya!
SAAYA'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Keeping you out of trouble, Alissa, as always.
SAAYA'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Keeping you out of trouble, Alissa, as always.
...That's it?
Saaya: Your problems and shenanigans are noteworthy.
How nice of you. ._.
Saaya: That's why I'm around to keep watch on you.
Ryu: And me to keep you in high spirits! =D
Mm! ^^
Next, we have Mr Sage of Pessimism, Fukami!
FUKAMI'S 2010 RESOLUTION
You could have made that title a little grander, Alissa. And I'm not that pessimistic, my dear. Rather, I'd say I'm quite the daredevil.
In any case, my resolution, eh? Hm, since my dear Ayana's cleaning the House now, I'm pretty sure my library would be gone by then. I suppose I could hole myself up in my tower and conduct more research. Ah, and try to get my two council members to agree to one another, perhaps signing a peace treaty so it'll spare me the many migraines.
I swear, these buffoons are too straight.
FUKAMI'S 2010 RESOLUTION
You could have made that title a little grander, Alissa. And I'm not that pessimistic, my dear. Rather, I'd say I'm quite the daredevil.
In any case, my resolution, eh? Hm, since my dear Ayana's cleaning the House now, I'm pretty sure my library would be gone by then. I suppose I could hole myself up in my tower and conduct more research. Ah, and try to get my two council members to agree to one another, perhaps signing a peace treaty so it'll spare me the many migraines.
I swear, these buffoons are too straight.
And you're not?
Fukami: Why, of course I'm not, dear. You've seen my times with my assistant, Asgard, no?
...I didn't think you meant it that way. o.o
Fukami: *chuckles* That's one of the minor details. I meant in terms of perspectives. Call it empathy, if you'd will.
Politic stuff. Good luck with that. o_o
Fukami: And to study your fiance, of course.
VAT.
Fukami: Exactly.
>_>
Fukami: Run along now, my dear. I have other matters to attend to. ;]
Of course he would run off like that. In any case, let's welcome our next interviewee, Asgard!
ASGARD'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Ahaha, you found my hiding spot. Resolution? No, none whatsoever. Maybe find a world where I can reside in till everything ends. =]
ASGARD'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Ahaha, you found my hiding spot. Resolution? No, none whatsoever. Maybe find a world where I can reside in till everything ends. =]
Rather...peaceful. o_o
Asgard: *laughs* I am disappearing too, Alissa. I'll probably go next.
I'm sorry. ._.
Asgard: Don't be. The times we all spent together have been very memorable to me. I only wish that we were more than what we are to you now.
Tell me about it. =/
Asgard:*smiles* Perhaps once, we were as real to you as the people around you. That time is long gone now, at least for me.
Don't...say it like that. ._.
Asgard: Don't worry. =]
*sigh* M-moving on!
ALBEL'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Heh, resolution, eh? I'll give you one. *stabs his katana deep into the ground and shoves it down even deeper with his leg*
I'm getting my own dragon. I'll burn all of my enemies and rule as king.
ALBEL'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Heh, resolution, eh? I'll give you one. *stabs his katana deep into the ground and shoves it down even deeper with his leg*
I'm getting my own dragon. I'll burn all of my enemies and rule as king.
o_o Umm...
Albel: You heard me.
Y-yea. B-But why?
Albel: Walter's dead. The king's brat's on the throne. It's a mess again, and they're all idiots to put that spoiled twat there.
But I thought you already had a dragon?
Albel: The dragon units at my service after Vox's death, not my own dragon.
...O-okay.
Albel: You stay out of my way, and I won't hurt you.
O-of course! Yes!
Albel: And tell that brat Ryu I said hi.
Okay. o_o
...ANYWAY!
ALBERT'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Quit my job.
ALBERT'S 2010 RESOLUTION
Quit my job.
WHAT!?
Albert: Exactly.
But you're good at it.
Albert: I'll put my expertise to other use, such as accountancy. And town planning.
...but...you just...how the...
Albert: Strategy is not limited to just wars alone. Surely you, of all people, should know of this.
Yes, but still...wait, does that mean Harmonia's campaign is over?
Albert: Auxiliary units are being sent to Harmonia now while the rest of their army marches here. Yes, it will be over very soon.
Wow. o.o
Albert: I seek a peaceful life. And I seem to find it very peaceful here.
Mmhmm.
Albert: Hence, resigning once that's done.
All the best with that, Albert. =]
Albert: And to you with your engagement, Alissa.
=D
- - -
It started with 13. 4 went ahead, and now I'm left with 9 (soon to be 8).
These are my imaginary friends, whom I still talk to every now and then. They were my playmates back when I was 14. I wasn't much of a talkative person to people, and...well, not to say I wasn't friendly, but I was very much into doing things on my own.
Solitude was my constant companion, not because I couldn't find anyone to be friends with but rather, it was something I chose. I have friends, many friends, but I keep my distance from them and chose to create a little world of my own in my head.
Most of my inspirations for my stories came from the little adventures my friends and I went through in there. And the world acts as a retreat from the mundane life I go through in school, among many other things.
My playmates were, at first, simple beings, made to cater for my own interests and such. But then I begin to develop their personalities, adding more and more details into their stories. Some grew to be pretty strong in existence, while others dwindled and died off after a while.
Those that did grow strong, grew even stronger, up to the point where I begin to question my own identity. Who was Alissa? Is Alissa all of them, or is one of them her? Or are they just creations made in the likeness of her, as God made us humans in his very image?
At this point, the stories became more and more convoluted as I tried to mimic its likeness to the world I live in. My creations began to question their existence, their purpose, and their Creator. Some revolted, thinking that if they destroyed me, their Creator, they would then achieve freedom from me and find true existence beyond me.
At the same time, in real life, I was experiencing the same problem every teenager does; identity crisis. We go through many odd journeys to find who we are, because at that time, we were just oddballs, belonging neither here nor there.
I came to a conclusion; the world in my mind mirrors the world here. It was no longer a haven, a sanctuary for me to retreat into, but rather, a responsibility I placed upon myself. It was crazy, I know, but I felt the need to put things together properly. You know, like tying a proper knot to close the deal.
So I redefined my role once more in the world; I acknowledge my role as the Creator, but I left it just there. I only create, but their lives are their own. And I would walk among them as any mortal would.
The one to control the balance of the many worlds in my head was the Kaiser. Akiko, my aspirations in human form, was the first Kaiser. The rest of the family mentioned above were residents of The House, a home placed in the nexus of all worlds surrounding it.
And at the same time, I also redefined myself and my identity. I found myself.
With that, I stepped into adulthood easily. At first, of course.
But as for the continuation of that story, well, I suppose most of you know what happened from there onwards till today.
So, coming back to my 2010 resolution...
I will work hard for my final year.
I will be more diligent in my jobs.
I will be more attentive to my students and to my studies.
I will NOT procrastinate.
I will earn plenty, enough to offer William financial aid when he comes back to study.
I will not be swayed, ever again.
And I swear upon the ring on my finger, upon my soul, and my life, that I will make things right when they start to go wrong.
That's it for now. Happy new year, everyone! =D
It started with 13. 4 went ahead, and now I'm left with 9 (soon to be 8).
These are my imaginary friends, whom I still talk to every now and then. They were my playmates back when I was 14. I wasn't much of a talkative person to people, and...well, not to say I wasn't friendly, but I was very much into doing things on my own.
Solitude was my constant companion, not because I couldn't find anyone to be friends with but rather, it was something I chose. I have friends, many friends, but I keep my distance from them and chose to create a little world of my own in my head.
Most of my inspirations for my stories came from the little adventures my friends and I went through in there. And the world acts as a retreat from the mundane life I go through in school, among many other things.
My playmates were, at first, simple beings, made to cater for my own interests and such. But then I begin to develop their personalities, adding more and more details into their stories. Some grew to be pretty strong in existence, while others dwindled and died off after a while.
Those that did grow strong, grew even stronger, up to the point where I begin to question my own identity. Who was Alissa? Is Alissa all of them, or is one of them her? Or are they just creations made in the likeness of her, as God made us humans in his very image?
At this point, the stories became more and more convoluted as I tried to mimic its likeness to the world I live in. My creations began to question their existence, their purpose, and their Creator. Some revolted, thinking that if they destroyed me, their Creator, they would then achieve freedom from me and find true existence beyond me.
At the same time, in real life, I was experiencing the same problem every teenager does; identity crisis. We go through many odd journeys to find who we are, because at that time, we were just oddballs, belonging neither here nor there.
I came to a conclusion; the world in my mind mirrors the world here. It was no longer a haven, a sanctuary for me to retreat into, but rather, a responsibility I placed upon myself. It was crazy, I know, but I felt the need to put things together properly. You know, like tying a proper knot to close the deal.
So I redefined my role once more in the world; I acknowledge my role as the Creator, but I left it just there. I only create, but their lives are their own. And I would walk among them as any mortal would.
The one to control the balance of the many worlds in my head was the Kaiser. Akiko, my aspirations in human form, was the first Kaiser. The rest of the family mentioned above were residents of The House, a home placed in the nexus of all worlds surrounding it.
And at the same time, I also redefined myself and my identity. I found myself.
With that, I stepped into adulthood easily. At first, of course.
But as for the continuation of that story, well, I suppose most of you know what happened from there onwards till today.
So, coming back to my 2010 resolution...
I will work hard for my final year.
I will be more diligent in my jobs.
I will be more attentive to my students and to my studies.
I will NOT procrastinate.
I will earn plenty, enough to offer William financial aid when he comes back to study.
I will not be swayed, ever again.
And I swear upon the ring on my finger, upon my soul, and my life, that I will make things right when they start to go wrong.
That's it for now. Happy new year, everyone! =D
Labels: 2010, resolutions