a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

Understanding people has been one of my many predicaments.

It simply doesn't stop at listening and understanding their lives through their speech and what they talk of. It is more than that.

I have come to realise that in order to know them is to become them.

Like acting, in order to know the character, you have to become the character and live through his/her life. The same can be said for trying to understand people...nay, rather--humans.

I look at the person who was to be my twin brother in the play and I often wondered about his nature. My director has told me countless of times to spend more time with him so we could bond together as actual siblings; in this case, identical twins.

Yet, even in the times we meet (previously), I could sense a huge barrier that separates us. Although it is true that each humans live in their own world, there is a probability that a mutual bond can be forged between those worlds. No matter how small it was, it is there. Hence, this is the reason why I was able to mingle well with my fellow cast members.

But him...

...he is rather peculiar.

It felt very different with him than with the others.

Please, do not misunderstand me. I have mingled with the others in private, one-on-one sessions, and they all proved to be fine. That fine line of awkwardness remains, but it is fading as time goes by.

Yet I do not sense this from him.

He always seemed as though he has something more to say in his long pauses. Often, I assume that he was finding the right words to say it. Yet, as time went by, I began to realise that it was more than just that. At least, according to my observation, it was.

Was it because of me and how blunt I am towards him?

Was it because of his girlfriend?

Was it something about him that he never tells anyone at all?

Then I searched for my answers elsewhere; I went to his blog. There, I...somewhat saw a partial of the answers I was looking for.

My eyes caught sight of his girlfriend and how close they are, how he often takes her pictures and comments on how much he loves her. Made me chuckle a little; it reminded me of myself a long time ago. Perhaps a little of me now, perhaps.

But if anything, I could use this piece of information to my advantage.

If he doesn't talk, perhaps his lady might.