a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

I watched her as she grew.

I watched her as she created her dreams.

I watched as they tore her out from her dreams.

I watched as she was tossed into this cruel, cruel world.

I watched, oh-so-painfully, as she created a fragile bubble around her from the fragments of her dreams.

I watched the bubble burst.

I watched it formed around her again.

Burst.

Create.

Burst.

Create.

Hardened.

I watched as she trapped herself within that hardened shell of a bubble.

I watched as the surface of that shell formed faces attached with different emotions to it.

Sorrow.

Humility.

Sacrifice.

And joy. Plenty of joy.

But they were mere masks, for she remained hidden, protected within that shell. There, she dreamed of endless pastures, of bliss, of company, of love.

I watched as a crack began to form around that shell, and saw her peek out from within it.

I watched as another being approached her and offered her his hand.

I watched as she took it into her hand and held it for a very long time, feeling the warmth that is reality and not the coldness of dreams.

I watched as she suddenly released that hand and retreated deeper into her shell, forming more surfaces across the already hardened shell around her.

I watched as the faces around the shell began to twist and turn, forming strange and odd expressions.

Fear.

Lust.

Loathe.

Submission.

BLANK.

I watched as more and more beings begin to gather around her, in an attempt to crush the shell hid herself in.

I watched as she screamed in protest, like the selfish little girl she is. She formed more surfaces, only to watch it shatter before her very eyes.

I watched as the shell began to crack open, and watched as they dragged her from within it once more.

I watched as they tossed her to the side and left her there.

I watched her as she sat there, rocking back and forth miserably.

Lost. Angry. Sad. Confused.

I watched her when they started to touch her hair, lips, cheeks, ears, neck, shoulders, breasts, stomach, waist, thighs, crotch, thighs, calves, and feet with their bare yet ghost-like hands.

BLANK.

I watched as she grew numb to their touching.

I watched as a man approached and drew them away with his mighty blade.

I watched as she struggled to gather the remaining pieces of the shell and wore it over her face.

I watched as the man got to his knees and took the mask away, smiling at her.

I watched as he tied a red string to her finger, joined to his.

I watched as he presented a door before her.

I watched as he undressed himself and stepped into it.

I watched as she sat there, looking from the red string to the man that waited for her on the other side of her door.

I watched as she brought her hands to her eyes to look at the remaining shards of the shell that latched itself on her hands.

I watched as it weighed her down when she approached the open door to where the man was.

I watched her fall to her knees and begin to crawl towards the door.

Then, she stopped.

And then, I moved towards her and stood behind her.

"Why do you stop?" I asked.

She whispered: "Heavy,"

"But you could still move just now,"

"I can't now. I'm unsure,"

"Why?"

"I don't know what's there. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I might hurt him,"

"Why would you want to hurt him?" I asked; confused.

"I don't want to hurt him. I don't. He is very kind to me. Very kind. I love him. Very much. I don't want to hurt him. I never want to. I never will,"

"But you stopped," I said, and pointed at the red string on her finger, "And he tied that on you,"

"Fear, Saaya. I fear," she whimpered, "I fear for him, and for me. I want to run,"

But I stopped her, and pulled her back to the open door, where he stood waiting for her. She looked so fearful, yet, that apparent longing expression on her face was stronger.

I held her in my arms as I pulled those shards off her, watching as blood began to flow from the wounds left by the shards I pulled out. She winced, twitched, and turned about. She cried out names, our names, as I pulled them all out.

"We are stopping you. We are planting machinations into you. We are blinding you," I explained softly to her, "We must go,"

"Please, please, pleeeeease, don't take them away from me. I need them. I need them," she wailed, flailing her arms to reach for the fallen shards.

"No," I replied sternly, plucking the others but leaving only two shards in her. One of them was mine; "You must stop making us. You must stop creating us,"

"But without you, without all of you, I..."

I spun her around and made her face the man, "You have him," and I gently lifted the red string to her eyes, "And this. See-" I tugged at the string, smiling at her, "It is strong, stronger than any of ours,"

She watched in wonder, but with a tinge of doubt.

"And it can grow much stronger than it is now," I continued, holding my hands tightly on her shoulders, "All he needs is you, as you have once needed us,"

"I..."

I took her hand and let her touch the string, letting her feel its smooth texture and the strength within it. I watched as she caressed the string gently, lovingly, before lifting her face up to look at the man on the other side of the door.

"Fear no more, my dearest one," I whispered into her ears, "You are in safe hands,"

She shuddered as my wings came down upon her trembling body, giving her one final embrace before I backed away from her.

Whimpering, she almost turn-- "DON'T," my voice boomed towards her, "We are gone, Alissa. We are no more. We cannot be,"

Softly, she asked; "Why?"

"Grow with him," I looked at the man beyond the door, "Move forward, and don't turn back,"

From where I stood, I watched as she lifted her head high and closed her eyes. And for the longest time, she remained silent, her eyes closed, her mind thinking. Her fists were clenched tightly on her sides, but it softened soon after.

I watched as she undressed herself before the door, before him.

I watched as revealed the last two shards that sunk deeply on her back. They were much deeper than the others.

I watched as she bit her lips in pain as she removed both the shards from within her.

I watched as she held them tightly in her hands, sobbing, and throwing them both to the floor. At that moment, I could feel myself disappearing. My sight began to blur. My senses grew numb. And my thoughts, my memories, fading slowly.

Yet, I continued to watch her, watch as she got to her knees and picked the smallest piece from one of the shards she broke. Needless to say, it was not mine.

I watched her as she stood up once more, held on to that speck of the shard in one hand, and the red string on the other.

I watched as this girl looked up to the man, smiling as he held his hand out towards her.

I watched as the girl took a few steps through...what was it? A door? Something. I don't know. I can't remember.

She walked, and then she...moved faster. Running? I can't see very well.

Did the girl fnd th mn wth th...red...str....i.....n...g..

W...ha...t........ws......h....e..e...e...eeee....r........

.............n.....................n..........nn......na........m............e

................................................A.......................

...............

......

BLANK.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Growing up is not an absence of dreaming
It's being able to understand the difference between the ones you can hold
And the ones that you've been sold
And Dreaming is a good thing cause it brings new things to life
But pretending is an ending that perpetuates a lie
Forgetting what you are
Seeing for what you've been told

How would this sound in piano?



If I have the time, I'd like to do a piano arrangement on this lovely tune. =]