a l l i e

"Who I am and what I want are a secret."

Looking back, I realised that a lot has happened. This year, has been an entirely different year for me.

It was the year I first stepped into college life.

It was the year where I first got my blog.

It was the year where I found love.

It was the year where I found disappointment.

It was the year where I felt regret.

It was the year where I was isolated.

It was the year where I lost and found something.

It was the year 2007.

So many memories, so little to say.

So long, 2007...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

If I keep this up, I think the letters on my keyboard will come off soon enough. Is it me, or has Streamyx gotten slower these past few days? Perhaps it's because other people are using the same connection as mine (leeching, I expect). My neighbour next door (whom I used to leech from last time) has developed a method to ward off all leechers. It ain't as effective as those with passwords and blocking-IP-addresses thingies, but it served him better. I was thinking of doing the same thing starting from this day onwards.

Unfortunately, I use internet for...hmm, let's see, the whole day, perhaps?

*sigh* I should look around if I could do the whole IP-address-blocking thingie. There SHOULD be one for Streamyx, right?

Ah well.

I was looking through all the stories I've typed out in my folder and realised that none of them were finished. Well, just two short stories, but that's just it. A short story and a story isn't the same and...well, you get the idea.

The thing is, I have the story set in my mind. I know what happens next, I know how it will all end, I know how it all connects to each other. But the words needed to link them all together almost seem like it was never there. Sure, I can start out with just word by word, then everything will come together after that. But to actually get my mind to work is the hardest thing to do.

I suppose I'm just too lazy. Or maybe I needed more initiative, like the one for the Animax Awards (and nope, didn't finish that one either since I found out that it was too long).

There's so many ideas in my mind, so many stories, yet the words...the linkers...

It seems to me that I have to embark on a quest to find these linkers so I can finally weave stories into perfection.

Let the dragons come,

let the lovers fly from the grasp of my hand,

let the darkness consume my soul,

let the evil wizard shatters the very vessel of my soul,

let the king imprison me for treason,

I will not rest until I find those linkers. My quest for the perfection in the form of words will not be thwarted by such petty distractions!

Aiman and I caught the earliest AVP2 show today! Well, I can't remember the things that happened in the last one (simple explanation: I didn't watch it. Well, not all of it. I DID watch the ending, and only the ending). It was a fun watch, I must say. But the only word that kept yelling at me in my head was

"COLD! COLD! COLD!"

=(

Note to self: Never wear skirts when you go to the cinema.

Then I had to follow my mom and father all the way to the airport to drop him there. Another Jakarta trip. Well, his office is there, so yea.

I took over the wheels after my father got off (mom wanted me to drive~) and drove all the way back to Sri Hartamas. Had a small conversation with mom, and we talked about stuff. Aiman, college, the degree I'll be taking next year. But the highlight of the talk was my fees.

At this point, I know I won't be getting the loan from my mother's office. I'm not confident with my stats results, and I expect to get...a B-, or worse, a C. And no, that won't guarantee me a 3.5 and above. *sigh* I gotta start working on the CGPAs for my degree to get that loan. And then, maybe PTPTN, though I try not to lean on that.

Then there's scholarship.

To hell with that.

*sigh*

Well, that's enough about that. Things like these are no one else's worry. Just mine.

Anyway, we stopped by at the Petronas station (the one in Sri Hartamas) to fill up the car. So yea, I was in charge of filling it up while my mom went in to get her iTalk card. I filled it up till it went "Tchk!". It was odd, because it stopped at RM50 something. Full tank was usually around RM60-70 or so. And so I, with my brilliant idea, kept on filling it in. More. And more.

And then it leaked.

And it was then that I realised that the tyre below it was flat.

Then, it rained.

What a day. Truly.

Luckily, we were near a workshop, so we sent the car there for a 5-minute repair on the car. Throughout the whole way, my mind was like this:-

...................................................................

A long line of dots. I suppose for a moment there, my brain just shuts itself and I couldn't be bothered to think about anything else anymore.

...

What a tiring day.

And now, I really really miss him.

=(

Thank you, Aaron. You just made my day.

Fuck.

Could at least be more CONSIDERATE and MINDFUL when you talk? No, this is not the first time. This is the 100th of 100th time you've done it. All these while, I just kept quiet. I kept so FUCKING quiet.

But humans have their limitations, you know? I don't have the patience of a god.

Have I EVER insulted your pals? I can't say girlfriend, because you never had one. So yes.

HAVE I?

HAVE I FUCKING INSULTED THEM?

God, if you HATE Aiman so much, why don't you just go blurt it out elsewhere? WHY MUST YOU PAINSTAKINGLY RUB IT ACROSS MY FACE? GET A BLOG OR SOMETHING.

I FUCKING CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS, OKAY? YOU HAVE YOUR OWN STYLE, AND I HAVE MY OWN. EVERYONE ELSE HAVE THEIR OWN, SO SHUT UP AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE NOT FOLLOWING YOUR FUCKING STYLE.

SO STOP SAYING THAT I DON'T TAKE CARE OF THEM. THEY HAVE A LIFE. SO DO I. SO WHAT IF I WANT TO GO OUT WITH MY BF? ONLY MY PARENTS HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO CONTROL ME, NOT YOU.

Friends are friends. Parents are parents. Lovers are lovers.

Get the picture?

God. Seriously. Some people.

I hope life has been treating you nicely, Dear. I can't imagine the things people would do to one another these days. It's either they kill you with mainstream or kill you. Physically. That's a bad thing to happen, especially to someone like you.

Me? I've been good. In fact, I've been really really good. I made sure I get up early in the morning and brush my teeth before I do anything else. Of course, I'll bathe as well, but that is later. What I do in between is a question from me to you. Then again, I won't expect a reply, knowing your condition now. Hehe.

Let me tell you some of the things that are happening in this world. Really, you've been missing a lot of things.

The real world I live in now has turned somewhat hostile lately. Everyday, I see people getting killed, other people squabbling over small little problems, women getting raped and murdered, and...other bad stuff. I don't think you want to hear the rest, Dear. It's not safe to walk alone as well or else the bad guys will come and get you. =(

But still, it's not that bad when compared to other things going on outside this place.

Yea, there are worser thingies lurking out there. And everyone's out to get at each other. It's really scary.

Umm, I don't mean to scare you or anything, but...this is really what's going on. I would really like it if you could come, but right now, it's not safe. I know you've been inviting me over to your place a couple of times, but I simply have to refuse.

Despite all the baddies here, I still have people I love in this wicked world. People that I love, people who loves me, and people I want to protect. I may be small, but if I have the will, I would gladly do it! So...that's why I can't go with you. That's why I have to stay.

You can come visit soon, if everything else is safe~ =)

Oh! And don't worry about me! I'll be fine. It's you that needs to be taken care of, hehe.

The world may be wicked, but there are things small beings like me can do to make a big difference. All I need to do is just to find a way. Somehow.

Pray that I'm successful, Dear! I need all the prayers and luck I can get for this to happen!

Also, pray that my mother doesn't beat me again. Really. I don't understand why she does that to me.

Pray that she won't find this letter.

Or else I have to write again and go through the horrible parts up there. Again.

I wonder if anyone remembered the song "Scarborough Fair". Lol, if I could sing to show you how it sounds like, it would be wonderful. Oh, no, it's not a hard song to sing. The notes are pretty low, and the melody loops. Yet, the lyrics are strange. Here, let me give you a snippet of the song.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Remember me to one who lives there.
She once was a true love of mine.

It has such a pretty tune, and rather sad as well. Varies from minor to major, and then back to minor. It's like a sort of sadness, then a glimmer of hope, then back to that sadness.

I believe it is a Nursery Rhyme, because I remember seeing this song in one of the Nursery Rhyme books that I have. Well, I couldn't understand it when I was but a child of 4, but it sounded nice and it sort of became my favourite song after "I'm a Little Teapot". XD

And as I grew older, I realised that there were a lot of versions of this song. But the only one I'm really familiar with is the one sung by Simon and Garfunkel. It was still called "Scarborough Fair" but, with a little twist. "Scarborough Fair/Canticle" it was called, presumably rhymed with another poem or something. But...it just makes it even more sadder.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Remember me to one who lives there.
She once was a true love of mine.

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt,
(A hill in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;
(Tracing of sparrow on snow-crested brown)
Without no seams nor needle work,
(Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she'll be a true love of mine.
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)

Tell her to find me an acre of land,
(On the side of a hill a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;
(Washes the grave with silvery tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strand,
(A soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then she'll be a true love of mine.

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather,
(War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather,
(And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Remember me to one who lives there.
She once was a true love of mine.

I think it was written in conjunction with the wars going on during WW2/WW1. And it makes me wonder, the soldiers fight. The generals command. The president sits back and ponder on what to do next.

I can't help but think of soldiers as slaves, even though they do get paid.

...

I don't like to talk about war, even though I know it's happening right now. Let's just say it is in my nature to ignore certain things unless someone punches me in the face and slaps me back to reality. Yes, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE.

Not too long ago, I had a short conversation with a friend of mine. It's been a very long while since I've last chatted with him, and we were just reminiscing within that short period. Then he started blaming me for not taking care of my friends, then blamed me for being super-attached to my bf, and then...well, for not bothering about him and Natasha (my other pal). And yes, he does this very often whenever I talk to him.

Yes, I know this has been happening. But sheesh, most of the time, I am at home. And when I am at home (namely, Mother's place), I often wish not to be disturbed. Of course, I do enjoy company every now and then, but I like the idea of me being left alone to my PS2. Call me anti-social, but I've been living like this since Standard 6 (a year after I moved into that far-away place). I try to make friends, but it is then when I found out the true colours of Malays and being friends with them.

I may be insulting my own race, but this was what I noticed, and sadly, experienced. I may look like I hate my own race, but I don't. I'm just on the fence, and I laugh at every faulty shits they come up with. Politics would be one of the many comedies I watch, though I rarely keep up with it.

Yes, I'm a cold-hearted bastard because you Malays made me so.

But certain Malays are really nice. And sincere. And truthful. Like certain members of my family, my friends, and my beloved. Those are exceptional ones that exist in such a tiny number.
Well, I've side-tracked too much.

Anyway, I'm not ignoring you guys. Sheesh. I just wanted some time on my own, that's all (and I suppose by some time, I meant all the time). But anytime you wanna crash at my place, just don't hesitate to give me a call.

Gah, Aaron. You assume too much. Just call me, damn you. XD

Well, technically, almost.

She went downstairs with my maid to the store. Just as the lift door slides open, my sister ran straight into it and before my maid could catch her, the door closed and up she went. Alone (mind you, she's only 2 years old). So, it was up-and-down for her, alone, in the lift. Until (miraculously), she stopped at our floor (11) and we managed to rescue her. I swore, I could hear her scream as she went up.

>.<

Well, that's the end of that. My littlest sister is safely tucked under her blankets and everyone has pretty much calmed down.

Now, all that's left is boredom. And once more, I think I shall write a story.

* * *

He sat on his throne made of wood as he stared at his people. There were many of them, he noted, all in different shapes and sizes. Some were hairy, while others were baby smooth. Colours were plentiful and very vibrant indeed. He was proud of his court, yet the one thing he couldn't tolerate was the fact that they had stand 5 feet away from him.

"All hail King Durian, the king of fruits!" said a pear guard.

Sure, he may possess a crown of thorns than can crush any fruit in a matter of seconds (this, he found very useful in battles and skirmishes), but no one could deny the fact that he has such a powerful stench. That was one of the reasons why the members of his court had to stand 5 feet away from him.

He had no queen, since none was able to withstand his stench, what more, in bed with him.

So, King Durian sleeps alone in his own private quarters a few feet away from the main castle. He needs no guards to protect him from any Banana Assassins or Rambutan Medusas that lurk within the forest.

But if no one was to be his queen, then who will inherit the throne?

Because of this, the kingdom was divided into several Houses, all ready to lash out against each other for the throne of King Durian. Currently, the leading House is House Apple and House Pear. The other Houses, however, are still lagging. They couldn't possibly match up to House Apple and House Pear simply because their physical attributes far outmatches them.

Take House Peach and House Mango for example. They have tried to wage war against House Apple and House Pear, but to no avail. You see, both of those Houses have thicker hides and are able to withstand force. Mangoes and Peaches are much too weak to match up against House Apple and House Pear.

But, despite all of that, none of the Houses would dare go against King Durian himself, even though he lacks a House of his own. His thick and sharp hide has seen much bloodshed, and most were accidental. Unfortunately.

King Durian sighed, and watched as everyone else in his court turned away from the smell that he released from his sigh.

Perhaps he was really the true king. Perhaps the only king fit to rule above all else, simply because he was better at everything.

But deep down inside, King Durian feels very lonely. He often seeks out for company, only to be turned down politely by others. Oh, how sad that must have been for our lonely King Durian.

But after years of ruling, he came across a rumour of his Durian race surviving in the southern lands. Out of excitement, he handed the throne to Minister Jackfruit to handle while he travels down south to meet his brethrens for the first time in his life.

He soon came across the very forest that was said to be the home of his surviving brethrens. And so he ventures into the forest, shouting out for them. Yet, his efforts were to no avail.

He soon finds himself out of breath and decided to take a rest underneath one of the big trees. In his sleep, he dreamt of his kingdom under siege by House Apple and House Pear. Minister Jackfruit tried his best to thwart their attacks, but House Apple and House Pear were too cunning. King Durian's absence meant the fall of his kingdom.

Sensing that his kingdom was in danger, King Durian awoke with a start and accidentally bumped his head on the tree very hard. But before he could move again, he heard something fall.

Curious, he looked up and finally saw what he has been looking for all these while. His brethren. The other durians. All these while, they have been hanging up there on those tree branches. But one of them was falling fast towards him.

And it was bigger than King Durian himself.

And then...

CRACK!

-The End-

I realised that when you swim without taking in breaths, it makes the whole thing easier. You only pant at the end when you really have to resurface and breathe in, but before that part comes, swimming seems less tiring than before. Who says you have to follow every rule accordingly? They don't call it "Freestyle" for nothing. Take the word's literal meaning.

Free.

Style.

Allow me to refer to the dictionary to better accentuate on this.

Free =

5.	exempt from external authority, interference, restriction, etc., as a person or one's will, thought, choice, action, etc.; independent; unrestricted.

6.	able to do something at will; at liberty: free to choose.

So what if "Freestyle" is done without taking those minuscule breaths? It is free, and to be free is to be unrestricted from the rules that bind it.

Ah well, I did twenty laps today in the pool after stuffing myself with doughnuts yesterday eve. I thought it wasn't enough so I added my workouts by going to the gym. Unfortunately, I only lasted for less than half an hour in here. I lack stamina, that's why I get so exhausted easily. But my time was not wasted there.

There was a weighing machine there.

*smirk*

Latest update on weight: 47kg!

Well, today's tiring workout managed to drive away that feeling lurking within me last night, and I was glad it disappeared. Even if it was for a brief while. I'm sure anyone would appreciate things like that even if it happened for a brief while.

Like the lives of every human being. Your lives. My lives. Our lives.

Now that is very brief, and unexpected as well.

But no, I'm not going to continue with that. I'm sure you've heard these very words from another person's mouth, and perhaps you are tired of hearing the same words from me. So, for your comfort, I will not continue.

Oh yes, for those who have not realised it, I have changed my layout. Everything is there, except for my profile picture and the music. But don't worry, I'll try my best to fit in the song. Somewhere. Unfortunately, I could not fit in the profile picture anywhere so...yea, I'm afraid I have to do away with that.

Well, I shall end my post for today. There is nothing much to say, no doughnuts to brag about, no muscles to destroy a building. And least of all, no evil plans to take over the world.

So long, and farewell. Till next we meet~

PS: I just thought I should put up this picture while I still have the chance (connection is good now). This picture is irrelevant, of course, but...well, I like it.


This is Storm, from Final Fantasy Versus XIII. For some reason, I imagine myself as him, sitting on that throne looking bored. Hehe, I just like the idea of me being an emperor, king, or a lord. Oh well, that's pretty much about it. Cya~

Holiday didn't turn out as I expected it to be, what more with my light purse. Going out for shopping would be...well, a pain. And another pebble to add to my balancing rock of problems, I'll be changing to prepaid. This means...

MORE MONEY SPENT.

LESS MONEY SPENT ON WANTED STUFF.

;_____;

Well, no use crying over spilled milk. All I can do now is to just move on and do something about it. And the best solution to this is to get a job that pays. A part-time job.

I don't want to sit around and do nothing as the fat builds up in my body from all the doughnuts I've devoured for the past few days. I. Must.Move.

Oh, speaking of move, I heard from my Mother that we'll be moving to someplace away from Subang Bestari (thankgodforthathankgodforthatthankgodforthat). I really like her idea on moving to Taman Tun, BUT, 'tis rather costly to live there now. So, she decided on Kota Damansara, the developing town with...Malays in it. *sigh*

Moving on.

As I sink deeper into the chasm of boredom, I began looking through everyone's blogs and checking for updates. And for some reason, that feeling returned. It made me fear the world and the skills I lack when I compare myself to them.

I was intimidated.

I suppose everyone in this world has this particular feeling whenever they see someone better than them. Some, however, have the ability to simply acknowledge it and move on. But the other remaining number of those who do not belong in the group above, do not move on. They remain in the same place, fretting over their mistake and uselessness, often hoping that they could be like the people around them.

Thus, they become intimidated. They stand very still, fearing to move on.

Many think of this as a challenge that every human has to face, but to those particular individual haunted by this feeling do not see it as a challenge. It it like your old ghost of Christmas. It stops you there and makes you fear it. It is like the fear that can never be overcome.

To some, it may last for a while. But to most others, it stays there like your guilty conscious.

Watching.

Waiting.

Whispering.

Laughing.

I often try to ignore these by just looking away, shifting my attention to something else. Yet, it often comes back to haunt me before my path to the world of dreams was made clear. It curses at you, laughs at you, and mocks you. At that moment, you just feel like you want to curl up and drown yourself in tears. Pride and ego stops the tears from falling, but the aching feeling claws at your every part of the body.

...

Nay, I cannot proceed any further. It saddens me that I am not strong enough to overcome this.

So much for naming this blog "Ascending Wings", when I am actually falling.

Always falling.

Clumsy little me.

"Gabble" is not a real word, right? Gah, I find myself asking this question countless times. And the most was today when I went out for lunch at The Curve with Aiman, Russell, and his two other buddies whose name I have forgotten. Sadly. I'm sorry! I really forgot your names, but I know I can recognize you two if I see you both from afar! =D

I was broke. Terribly broke. And I couldn't withdraw my RM20 from the ATM machine (shaddup, I know certain ATM machines can withdraw 10s!). I have Aiman to thank for my lunch. >.< Now I owe him RM19. Well, we all ate at Vivo.
It has a very nice waterfall-glass-billboard thingie. I like it very much, so yesh, I decided to take a picture of it.

It took me a while to realize that both Russell and Aiman brought their Scrabble set. And yes, we played it right after lunch~ I didn't join, so I became the scorekeeper. And not a very good one. ^_^;

The one on the left is the person whose name I have forgotten, but I shall refer to him as CS for now, since it was the only thing I could remember. Lol. The one on the right is Russell. XD

This is our other friend, whose name I also fail to remember, but I shall now refer to him as K. He's a noob at Scrabble, says that last he played it was 5 years ago. Lol.

And this is us! =D

It's worth more than a Bible. For Scrabble, I meant. ^_~

And after much squabble, the game ended with this...


AND THE WINNER FOR THE FIRST ROUND IS....

MR. K~!

So then we went to Ikea to check out for Meatballs (AND for free refills). Seeing as there were no meatballs, we continued our game of Scrabble on a big round table~ This time, I participated and joined forces with K against the three experienced players~ Yesh, we were the noobs of the lot. XD

This was how it ended though. If it weren't for "THUNK(blank)D", we both would've lost. Badly. Hehe, we got second and the winner is...

Good ol' Russell~! XD

But we didn't give up! One more round aaaaaaaaaaand...


And we were left with these letters. ALL VOWELS, except for the L.

Well, we lost, yet again. And Russell won. Again. *sigh* It was a really fun day, at least until I got back and realised how bad my phone bill was. Ehehe, pretty much my fault, of course.

Gaah, and I should definitely start looking for a part-time job. I want extra cash and I can't be depending on my parents for too long (also, I'm broke, currently. *sob*). I'm aiming for the musical instrument shop at Ikano...or the one at Borders. Those two. I want. And I don't care if the pay is low or whatsoever.

It's the closest to both homes.

Ah well, I suppose that's about it. I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow's Raya celebration. Just not in the mood for a celebration, that's all.

And by Friday, my father will be changing me from line to prepaid for my phone. So...it's either I stick with the same number I'm using now, OR, I'll be switching to my DiGi number which I will gladly inform all of you. But since there'll be my money involved...I will only inform to those I normally text to. Others...well, you can always ask me~ =3

That's all for today! And here's a little extra for everyone because I really like this picture~

Aiman and Russell~!!! =D Taken on the first day when I first met Russell~

Over and out! =3

Yesssssss...if you are reading this, it means that I've finished my finals and have finally attained freedom! (for just three months, sadly).

Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, I could not attend the farewell party hosted by Dara. *sigh* Surprisingly, the whole thing with Father ended quite early and I had time to go off somewhere. Aiman's parents invited us both for lunch at KLCC so...yea, there we went. He finally got the book he wanted at Kinokuniya (a Terry Pratchett book on quotes from the Discworld series) and then we went off to join his family.

I must admit, it feels a tad bit awkward. But thanks to his youngest sister, Amirah, my tension metre was slightly relieved.

I never enjoyed steaks, but well, out of modesty, I had to have something. So yea, I settled with spaghetti. Lol, spaghetti in a steakhouse~ XDD

Unfortunately, I had to return early (thanks to my father, pestering me to do so). But today was really nice. And I achieved something today! Yay me~! And Aiman's happy too! =D

Oh, and if you were wondering about the title of this post, it was because the three of us (Aiman, Russell and I) went to watch "I am Legend" at Cineleisure yesterday.

I have to admit, it was a sort of well done movie. The layout of an abandoned New York is gorgeous and superbly done. Will Smith played the role as Robert Neville very well. However, for every movie, there is a setback.

The CGs for the monsters and other animals. It's horribly done. If it weren't for that, it would have been a wonderful movie. Even with unexplained-events-that-just-happened-on-the-spot.

*Sighs* Ah well. At least today was all right, rather than spending an entire day of boredom. Hope everyone enjoyed the pot luck party at Dara's dad's ranch.

Sorry I couldn't make it. Truly, sorry.

If you are reading this, it means that I've already finished all 8 chapters of notes for statistics. Funny, it seemed pretty easy.

At least until Probability comes along. To all of you who sat for the Maths exam last year, you might recognize the Probability topic as the 'Kebarangkalian' topic. And evil topic, mind you. And now that I've reached the business economy level of statistics, the Probability topic also leveled up to another series of horrific counting and such.

They even have means and...a standard deviation. Sob.

AND THEN THERE'S THE TREE DIAGRAM. GODDAMN TREE DIAGRAM.

Well, that's enough about statistics. I'll stuff it all into my head, all for me, none for any of you. =P

Currently, I'm looking through my collection of pictures in photobucket and then I came across one picture which I found most peculiar...O.o...


...I don't know why I kept that, but I was planning to put it up long ago. Just can't remember when. Anyway, this is my youngest sister (counting all five that I have from both sides), Rhayna. As you can see, she is currently posing in a very...strange manner.

She's having chickenpox now. Sob.

Let's see....what else do I have...hmm...
AHA~!

I thought this was a nicely drawn picture of Shiranui/Ammy/Amaterasu from the game Okami. Especially the swirly thing she/he has on his/her back. Yes, I'm still unsure of this God's/Goddess's gender. But I'd like to think of our wolf here as a female. Another proof; the name Ammy there sounds femme to me~ =3

Oh god...and the amount of onion emoticons they updated in photobucket...

Here, there's more in this webbie add.

Well, there's nothing much for me to write, since nothing much happened today. Until then, farewell~!

Over and out~

I have recovered from my momentary mother-sister-homesick feeling after giving my mother a brief call to just check on her and everyone else. Lol, I thought I was calmed down, but when I heard her voice over the phone, I broke into sobs again. I suppose I just try to look strong but the truth is, I'm not that strong.

They're fine, and I was glad I called her. Now the mother-sister-homesick isn't as bad as this morning when I woke up.

I had a good rest today. Decided to skip my swimming/gym exercise that I planned to go today. Sadly, there was no dream. Then again, it was just two hours. I feel very refreshed and I feel like writing a story now. So, for those who's not interested, I suggest you turn back now before you plunge into the vortex of boredom.

For those who are...well, let's just say you're not in for any big surprises. At least I know a certain someone wouldn't be surprise. I wrote this story in the first few pages of our collaboration, and if she ever come across my blog, she'd know this. Then again, it's nothing much. I was simply remembering this story and I thought it'd be best if I could expand its story. It had, to me, a wonderful plot. Simple, yet nice.

So now I present to you my short story...
A tale of two brothers, a king, and a kingdom.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a kingdom ruled by a king whose rule was fair and just. Since his ascend to the throne at the age of eighteen, the kingdom bloomed and prospered under his rule. The people of his kingdom loved their king and the soldiers and knight were loyal enough to die in his service.

But, well, for a kingdom that prospered and a king that ruled justly, war was a rare occasion. The king was tactful enough to maintain good relationships with other kingdoms.

For thirty years, he was a happy king for as he ruled the kingdom, he had his loving wife, the queen, to support him every time he falls. He was blessed with two sons and loved them both very much.

The two sons were very close and loved each other, often helping each other whenever they get into trouble.

On the king's fortieth year of rule, his beloved queen passed away. He grieved for her death and slowly, the kingdom slowly lost its glory.

Not long after that, he fell into a sickness that took away his ability to walk. Knowing that his end was near, he named his eldest son as the heir to the throne.

The eldest son knew that it was his duty to ascend to the throne, and thus, he accepted his duties. However, he was unaware of his youngest brother's flaring jealousy.

On the fiftieth year of the king's rule, somewhere in the middle of the year, the king finally released his final breath and died peacefully. For a long time, the people grieved on the passing of their beloved king.

The eldest brother was named king and soon after that was his coronation.

On the day of the coronation, just as the eldest brother was about to receive the crown that signifies him as the official king, the youngest brother summoned his army and attacked everyone present in the ceremony.

The eldest brother managed to escape the massacre, but left the kingdom with a broken heart. So, he wandered across the continent, trying to just die as he wandered...until he came across a certain something that changed everything.

While the elder brother fled the kingdom, the younger brother took over the throne and became king.

But after ruling for so long, he suddenly thought of his beloved brother and how horrible he was back in the past. He felt the guilt in him and at that moment, the love for his eldest brother returned.

He sent out search parties to look for his brother and after months of searching, he finally found his beloved brother.

The eldest brother returned, carrying a strange sword with him. Many noticed the change within the eldest brother, and most concluded that he was not the same person he was before this. Soothsayers warned of an approaching danger to not only the king, but the entire kingdom itself. Yet the younger brother denied their words and welcomed his brother with open arms.

There was a feast made in honour of his brother's return and for three days and three nights, they dined and celebrated. And for three days and three nights, the eldest brother remained silent.

On the fourth night, when everyone was fast asleep (including the younger brother), the eldest brother began his revenge.

In the dead of the night, he slaughtered every single one of the people who lived in the kingdom. No one was spared, not even children or babes.

No one but the current king, the younger brother.

But that was momentarily, of course.

When the younger brother woke up, all that he saw was blood. All the was littered around him were corpses. All that he smelled was death. And before him was Death himself, in the form of his eldest brother.

The younger brother begged for him to be spared, reminding him of the brotherly love they had for each other. But the eldest brother stood there, his face revealing nothing but emptiness. There was no love in him for the younger brother, or the kingdom, or anyone else for that matter. There was nothing in him.

And so, the eldest brother raised his sword and smite it down on his defenseless younger brother.

Then there was absolute silence.

The eldest brother took the crown from his younger brother's head with his sword and walked all the way into the throne room.

He sat on the throne and struck his sword to the ground. The crown was then placed on the pommel of his sword and remained there, unmoved.

And there he sat. And there he closed his eyes. And there he ruled the land of the dead.

And there he waited.

The day I left my mother's place for my father's (that was last Sunday) was the day I thought I won't be seeing anymore annoying siblings, nagging mother, tight curfews, and the fact that there is no car for me drive. So, it was

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS~!

PRIVACY FOR ME AND JUST FOR ME~!!!!!

Because you see, things at Father's work differently than the how things at Mother's were. I realized that every time my father comes to pick me up from Mother's, I have to change my clothes and a wee bit of my attitude to suit the lifestyle there. It is, after all, Sri Hartamas, where the high and mighty live (well, from my POV, their rank falls at number 4 or 5, because number 1 has definitely got to be the residents of Bukit Tunku. They have O__________O houses there). Very unlike Subang Bestari where people were more moderate and they berate on such attitudes behind people's back.

Well, that's the positive effect of it. And yes, there is the negative one as well.

Over at Father's, my sister and I are...well, left on our own to see to our needs. I will be in front of my laptop while my sister would be watching TV and such. My brother and youngest sister are taken care of, but well, I noticed that we are somewhat...left out. Over here, parents ARE parents and children ARE children. Children CANNOT meddle with the affairs of the parents. Yes, I am still a child to them. My father, especially. I don't know what my mom sees me as, since I've pissed her off a couple of times. I'm not going to disclose it here.

Mother's, however, was the exact opposite of Father's. Whatever we do, the parents will know and berate. Whatever we want to do, the parents will be the first to know and will either let you off or not. Yet, affairs of the parents are known to the children, and the children were included in their adult circle, where they talk about work and we can either laugh along or comment. We are forced to go to places we didn't want to go under the excuse that if one family member goes, everyone must go.

Father is freedom.

Mother is the chain that binds us.

Yet, after staying here at Father's for almost a week (Father left for Jakarta already), I started to feel...different to this 'freedom'. My sister left for Penang with our cousins, and I'm still here in my Father's place.

It feels really lonely here.

That's why I kept going out with Aiman, and if possible, every night. I miss him, of course, but at the same time, I try to escape that feeling of loneliness here. Even if it is only for a while. Because every time I return from my dinner, I step back into that lonely feeling that's waiting for me.

Yea, I know. I suppose I am an attention seeker, but really, it feels really lonely.

So yesterday, I slept without much thought. My mind was just thinking about my online game and how to level up my character, then it moved on to my exams and how I will fare it when the day comes. I made a call to Aiman and we talked for a long while. After that, I slept.

I woke up this morning to the sound of the closed door. Mom was in the bedroom, looking around in the cupboard. I was invited to a futsal game my little brother will be playing with his friends, but I turned down the offer. Lol, I wanted to stay home. And I don't like futsal. =(

So yea, I slept again and listened to the sounds of the door being closed and everyone leaving the house. Not long after that, it was only me.

But then, I woke up once more to the sound of a woman calling out to her children. Then there was the sound of the door opening, and after that, children. Their voices sounded awfully familiar, but I simply disregarded that and went back to sleep.

Then those voices got louder and at once, I knew who those voices belonged to.

My little sisters back at Mother's.

And the woman was my Mother.

My mind went through a brief flashback, and in there, I realized how often the bothered me. If I were in bed now, they'll be the ones slamming the door open and waking me up. And they're always competing against each other to see who gets the most attention from me or my mother. Hehe, and their arguments. Oh dear, you wouldn't believe some of the things they argued about. XD

And it took me a while to realize that my eyes were wet with tears.

Then I thought about my mother, how she was always there for me. How hard she worked to find any forms of scholarship for my education, how she totally supported me when I was going through my SPM, how she waited for me outside the school every time my exam finishes. Then I went back to the time where I cried in her arms because a boy I had a crush on in school likes someone else and I was always there to listen to him talk about her and all. It was ridiculous, I know, but she just hugged me and smiled.

Then I remembered the time when she cried when I kept talking to her about Aiman, how worried she was, thinking that I might do things that will shame me and...well, and the fact that I will slowly be detached from our mother-daughter relationship when Aiman comes into view. I must say, I was really disappointed with her and then I cried too. Lol. We were both like the two crying women in Burger King, waiting for the LRT to arrive. It was then my turn to comfort her, and told her that everything will be all right.

She...she may have a bad temper and gets all touchy real quick but...but she's still my mother, my own blood and flesh, the one who cared for me since the day I was born until now.

...

I really miss her. I really really miss her. My siblings there, Sabrina and Bella. I really miss them all.

They're on their way to Pangkor Island now, for a vacation courtesy of my dad's company.

And it's only been a week.

And already I miss them terribly.

I love you, Mama. I love you, Sabrina and Bella. I really love all of you. You all...you all really make me feel like...like I'm one of you. I really...really appreciate that...

...

God, I gotta stop sobbing now...oh god...I really miss them...

Yes, this will be a post of my review on this particular anime, Gundam 00. To be precise, I was never really a big fan of the Gundam series. That is, until this beautiful lady appeared before me:

Yes, it's Lacus Clyne, everyone. =P Yes, yes, I know, you all have heard about her and how much I talk about her, yada yada. Unfortunately, she appeared in a Gundam series that I slowly came to hate as time goes by. A Gundam series that goes by the name...Gundam SEED.

Oh, no, don't get me wrong. I like the idea in Gundam SEED. Yea, the world divided into two, Coordinators (genetically enhanced humans, but for some reason, I feel like calling them Genome Soldiers. They can be stupid sometimes =P) and Naturals (pure-bred human being), and the war that tore them apart. Then some Coordinator kid (Kira Yamato, asshole) got thrown into the world of battle, and then realised that he was actually...oh, fine, who'd be reading this post anyway.

Well, as I was saying, Gundam SEED plot line IS nice. HOWEVER, it's only the 1st Gundam SEED series that is all right. Its sequel, Gundam SEED Destiny, is shit.

At least they changed the main character. Shinn Asuka. A worse-r main character, but heck. A fresh start for a new season!


...

Wipe that silly smile off your face, you emo. You're suppose to cry and scream!!

How nice. 8)

Angst, screamos, anguish, sadness, stupidity...

Last but not least, the biggest problem:

THE RETURN OF KIRA YAMATO, THE GOD-MODE-ER. gently caress HIM. 8(

Right, I digress, yet again.

As I was saying, I was disappointed with Gundam SEED Destiny and felt like ditching Gundam forever (since I found new love from Code Geass, produced by the same studio that did Gundam SEED and perhaps other Gundam shows).

Don't you just love that smirk from Lelouch? *a big Code Geass fan* =3

But Gundam took a different turn and decided to remake its old shows. Starting with Gundam 00, the first of the first. I think.


Same kind of storyline, I noticed. War. Yes, without war, there will be no Gundam shows. Lol~ Our main character's on the far left side, Setsuna F. Seiei. And no, don't ask me what that F stands for...*curses*.

It's not too bad, and it had a nice first episode scene. The opening song differs greatly from other Gundam openings, namely, Gundam SEED. Yes, it ditched those wacky techno from T.M. Revolution for good and hired L'arc~En~Ciel to do the opening. Rock-ish tunes and the ending is rock-ish as well. Animation is smooth and beautiful (unlike Gundam SEED, can't be blamed, they're pretty old, but heck. I can tell the dif between really-nice-fighting-scenes and copy-paste-fighting-scenes), somewhat similar to Code Geass's animation (of course, it's from the same studio! LOL~).

The story is not that clear to me yet. I mean, I just finished episode one, and you can't really tell much from just watching episode one. All I know is that the Gundam in this series are considered as...well...godly. And then there's this dude with a walking cane who announced to everyone else that he is the one controlling the Gundams and that he represents, no- IS the Celestial Being.

Lol. Talk about power. Calling himself that is just...wow. Then again, they were in a world where Gundams are rare mobile suits and none of their inventions can reach up to the Gundams level of efficiency.

As you proceed on, you'll see more characters being introduced. And a dude who keeps saying "Hallelujah,".

O____O

And his name is Allelujah.

...

We'll skip that.

Overall, it's not too bad. I don't have high hopes for this anime, but I'm somewhat expecting it to be better than the others. I mean, it's new and all, it SHOULD be better. I look forward to see more episodes!

More talking-to-myself-even-though-there's-someone-next-to-me-who-would-be-able-to-hear-my-evil-plans!

More Gundams!

More war!

More powers!

And...(this I predict, will ALWAYS appear in every Gundam series)

more emo moments.

*sob*

MAKE ME PROUD, GUNDAM OO!!